Last Day of November!?

Wow! I can't believe how time flies ~~ ~~ (time flying ;oD) ... Yes, I have been lost in facebook-land and finding that I've gotten my feelings hurt there, which no one really knows about nor would care, I do believe. I won't go into the boring details but for some reason I up and "unfriended" 20 people about 10 days ago. I miss some of them, yet most of the ones were people I rarely heard anything from, some absolutely NOTHING ... and others were friends of a friend whose friend hurt my feelings (or, I should say, I allowed! my feelings to be hurt?!) so I just said heck with it ... I did keep a few people from that "tribe" as we'd called ourselves, as they've been so very kind and loving ... I would get angry when people would talk about facebook as "fakebook" and that the friends weren't real but imaginary. I'd defend that and say that this group of people were like minded for me and spiritually centered ... and yet funny and a little bit risque even! But, alas, it is what it is .... I never would have known them if I hadn't been on facebook.......which has taken me away from talking to friends on the phone, too busy to do the dishes, too enthralled to write letters (which I truly love to do!), too "curious" to read the many volumes of books I always loved to read ... in other words, I do believe I've been addicted to facebook. I'm thinking of shit-canning it altogether, leaving it intact and putting it on the back burner to see if I can come up with enough of a life which isn't lived in e-virtual-ness enough to actually have a friend over, or visit one, or write to one or talk to one! There's a lot of talk about what "we" could, would, want to, will do on there, but most live tons of miles away .... I can barely get a peep out of people I actually DO know or family members! So those virtual strangers I'd met have been a big part of my life the past 6 months or more ... which is a lot of time when it is intensified.......but to feel excluded, shunned, "restricted" is to go smack back to elementary school when I was so painfully shy and would try to go up to a little group of girls on the playground and hang around them, inevitably one or more would annoyingly look at me and say, "What do YOU want, NOSEY!" That's exactly what it felt like ... just not being good enough or ??? enough to fit in with someone who really should mean nothing to me at all!? Go figure!

I was so thrilled just now when I bopped on here and saw a favorite bloggie Soul post a comment to my last entry! Just yesterday she wrote to me! How exciting! and another one posted a comment I haven't responded to yet but I sooooo appreciated his acknowledgment of my little goofy story and how he and his wife could relate about buying very expensive frameless glasses that I am paranoid I'll scratch or break ... and have to be soooo careful cleaning them!
There is a certain instant gratification with facebook that I don't get here because a lot of my ol' blogger buddies don't seem to be posting either. We all go through different phases ... like the moon, which tonight, by the way, looked like that big Cheshire Cat grin which I love to see up in the dark black sky!!! I see it at the most opportune moments when I'm feeling low or sad.....without realizing it's up there, I'll often catch a glimpse of it and it ALWAYS makes me smile and even laugh out loud ... from the little fingernail crescent to the big grin just before the half moon.....I do like simple pleasures and I do love communicating with others, and how wonderful when those others can be like minded........or at least tolerant of other points of views without judgment.
Perhaps letting facebook sit awhile to stew in its juices (and oh, there's so MUCH of those on there! a veritable hodgepodge of just ANYTHING instantly!) .... perhaps that would allow me to keep up my good work with my new vegetarian eating style ... a healthier regimen of walking ... getting that hula hoop I've wanted for several years now! Afterall, sitting in front of the computer at work, or on the phone at work ... then come home and jump on the computer to stare at facebook after a very quick scan of my regular emails ... well, let's just say "secretarial spread" is a big problem of the keester! Oh, and speaking of keesters!!! My "new-to-me" 2007 Saturn Aura is equipped with butt warmer seats! They are coming in pretty darned handy in this very cold weather we are having. Last night was the first snow that actually stayed on the ground. But then it was bright and sunshiny all day as opposed to yesterday's gloomiest, rainiest day ever ... 2-1/2" and then turned to snow overnight @;@ But what do I expect for Nov. 30th!?
Today is my nephew's 29th birthday. I miss him. I haven't seen him since May of 2007 when we told him he couldn't live here any more. I guess he showed us, eh? Never one communication from him since ... and he even had a little boy and never told us. Well, I'm kind of used to being that SisSTAR of the C.O.D.E., that Childless...Orphaned...Daughter...of Enlightenment. It isn't always enlightening to realize your family doesn't care enough about you to contact you for years on end, or that your family equals 2 humans and a cat ^;^ but that's the way it is. It's a good family, though, even though Cat scratched the crap out of my hand yesterday! He was ticked off because it was pouring rain and his shelters we made for him outside were all wet and soggy with no chance to replace them yet ... and he hates to stay inside too much, even with a foot of snow! So he was a big grouch and I was massaging his little toes - WRONG!! He teased me by spreading his paw so I could give him Mama's famous "kitty massage" and "little toes" massage when he struck quick and hard and I have 8 claw marks on my right hand to prove it. I like to call it my vaccination from him ... as I used to be allergic to cats but don't seem so much with him...........unless I am just deluded because I love him so much............and he bites the hand that feeds him! ............well, that's it for another day, Bloggie Souls! I'd love to hear from you!! I hope the new year will be a new time to reconnect and elevate our consciousnesses to greater degrees...........with Love, Truth, Justice, Compassion, Tolerance, Kindness...and did I say LOVE?
with Love.........from your SisSTAR XOXOXOXOXO

Happy Sunday!

Since I logged in to post a comment on good bloggie friend Muhd's great post about new kitties showing up at their front door, I may as well say "hello" to my good ol' blog! I'm sorry I've been neglecting you, Dear Blog. I've met the most wonderful people while on here and I won't forget them ... even if seemingly neglecting my "duties" here to write and rambling on about just any little thing at all. Yes, Facebook has got me! There's a community of "newer" facebookies (as I love to call them) that are hanging in there with RaeBird and her mother as her mother is close to transitioning beyond this Dimension ... she stated that we were all like their hospice, and what a humbling honor it is to feel a part of giving comfort to her in any way...............and I am still keeping in good touch with Dancin' Fool (Natalie, you sweetie!) over in the UK ... stole some Frank Zappa tunes off her yesterday which immediately RaeBird said she loved, and that made me happy.

Yesterday it was like Feast Day for me and Jeff......after doing our banking we went to Simply Zaa! Pizza for theri $5 all-you-can-eat pizza and salad bar buffet and I had 2 great bowls of salad fit for a REAL vegetarian and found even TWO great veggie pizzas (well, except in Vegan-land, the cheese was a no-no but I'm getting there) ... there was the Popeye spinach pizza and the wonderful tomato slices with an array of herbs ... all was delicious and Jeff got to watch the MSU-UM game (MSU won!!! yay! for Jeff) ... then we hung out around home (on the computer etc etc) and spent time with Tuffy Boy and went "looking" at Sally's (Salv Army) and, in an unusual twist of fate, I found nothing. I found that to be wonderful, actually, having just gotten rid of about 30!!! (yes!) bags of STUFF for the Vietnam Vets to come and pick up ... I am not real keen on adding to the new slimmed-down pile of STUFF .......and feel much more discerning, for now anyway. Then we went to the unwelcome chore of grocery shopping at Hollywood Mkt! It turned out we had a ball getting all kinds of tasty and healthy stuff ... we were nearly out of everything so it was a whopper $$ ... and then we no sooner got it hauled in and put away but our good bud Gary showed up for us all to go up to the corner Thai Restaurant (Pud Thai & Sushi) and I enjoyed 2 new dishes: their Apple Salad and Vegetable Tempure...YUM! It was great, as was the miso soup. We came home and indulged in dessert then watched some Tiger baseball (sniff! sorry, but they lost the play-offs but they gave it a hell of a good shot!) Jeff is at this moment watching our Detroit Lions playing ... the best season they've had in like aeons! I got up between 5:30 and 9 am then decided to go back to bed and "read" awhile ... and finally got back up at 11 am. Still in my bathrobe at 1:45 pm!!! It's a lazy-ass day for me so far..........I have laundry to do and it would PROBABLY be a great idea if we ate at HOME today, don't you think?? 2 restaurants in 1 day! How totally hedonistic of us! Let's just say we munched into the groceries big time ... and I was in a carbo-coma when the baseball game was going on. When they basically lost in the 3rd inning, the mood had a downturn in the house of some disappointment ... and Gary went home an hour early as he had to get up early to work this morning. I think Jeff spent more time on the computer ... dreaming of some NEW computer he wants "on his wish list". You see our Windows Media Player will NOT work any more, no matter what, even deleting it and reinstalling a new one ... something messed it up a long time ago and he can't play games, we can't play music or I can't download any photos ... and that's just shitty! So one of these days ... "Santa Claus" is always a good reason - haha! though we don't believe in Santa any more or even Christmas ... but it WILL BE my 60th!!!!!!! birthday and our 26th anniversary right around then, so perhaps a new computer is on the horizon. I want a 2nd pair of eyeglasses for my birthday.........I love my new pair and my new sunglasses, they were so expensive. I want a 2nd pair just to feel really RICH! and to give me some sort of variety of eyeball dressing! Maybe I'll get cat's eye rhinestone encrusted corner thingies!? Something that's fun! We both got "frameless" glasses this time and we love them, but we're so very careful with them ... no cleaning with a Kleenex or a shirt sleeve ... nope! only the special cleaning cloths provided. I lived thru years of seeing through a bunch of scratches and nosepieces gone, long hence having fallen off! (Ouch!) and green funk being left on face in front of my ears where the bows dug into my skin and funkified it! For years!!! So I would like an extra pair ... a true luxury! But, hey! 60!!!!! SIXTY???? Yes! in 2-1/2 months! AHHHHHHHH! OK, I just gotta sign off with that one........it's too scary! @;@ Love from your SisSTAR xoxo

What's in a name?

I just want to say a few things about how I've been longsuffering about being called Kyle. I may have mentioned that my mother always told me I was named after a "pretty young singer on the Arthur Godfrey Show" and since I was born 1951, I don't remember her. I told that story to many of the people who asked me my entire life, "Did they want a boy?" "Were you named after your father?" etc etc. NO!!! Named after Kyle McDonnell (I think that's how she spelled it) and just last year, I believe, I found her by accident on LOOK or LIFE magazine archives and yes, she was pretty and anyone would be pleased to be named after her ... I bet she had quite the time of it being named that in the 30s or 40s!!! When I was just going into junior high (now called middle school...7th grade, anyway) I was assigned to boys' gym class and shop class and very embarrassingly had to go and sign out! of these classes. If only I knew then what I know NOW!! I would have just insisted they let me remain in the classes, that'd show those dingbats!! But I was always and forever teased about having a "boy's name" ... and even my middle name is Lynn which can be a male name, too. Then I like to tell the story about, "Well, my father's and brother's names were Dana Meredith and my mother's name was Jo" HA HA!! They look at me like @;@ .... but it's a great story. I'm tired of telling it, though. Call us androgenous, call us weird ... Hey! on my father's side of 8 boys and 1 girl, there were males named Max Vivien, Francis Leroy, Dana Meredith...I guess those were the andro names ... the only sister was reduced to Dot ... Dorothy Lee.... I have cousins named Mary Lee and Larry Lee, middle names after their father. My dad told me he was also offered entrance into some girls' college in Bennington, Vermont, so it started long ago, as he was born in 1905. I remember being mortified when I was in 6th grade and we had to write letters to the President (who was then JFK) and I was sent a big envelope addressed to MR. KYLE HASWELL!!!!! I was ticked! I tried to erase the "Mr" and put a "Miss" in it but it only blotched up the thing and looked worse. I still to this day get mail addressed to "Mr." and those come-on ads for credit cards or anything else get shredded with gusto! Don't ask me why this still bothers me after all these years, but it just does. I did NOT ask to be named Kyle Lynn!!! When I was a young kid I was very embarrassed by my name and wanted to call myself Lynne ... I thought that looked feminine. Once by some Freudian error I wrote, "My brother was the only girl and I was the only boy" in some journaling I was doing!!!!! I was doing it to myself, even!!! GEEZ! But the reason for this ranting post is that yesterday after work I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and I've gone there quite a long time now ... just before she was ringing it up, she said, "I need his birthdate"!! I had a hard day!! a very hard day working for two psychiatrists' offices where everyone is seemingly more needy now that Autumn has hit or school has started or the weather is getting chilly or summer has ended or ??? who knows? But I could hear the crack in my voice when I replied, "THAT would be ME! That's ME! I am Kyle and my birthdate is 12-28-51!" She never even said a word, just, "of course". OF COURSE??? WTF??? What about an, "Oh, I'm sorry!" LIKE I asked my mother to give me a purported boy's name so I could just fuck with people lifelong! I have girlfriends and girl relatives named Jimi Lee, Georgie, Jeremy, Lynn, Rae .... Once my husband, Jeff, and I got some scathing voicemail message from some weirdo with all sorts of obnoxious sexual innuendos, or rather blatant accusations ... I do believe they thought the "You have reached Kyle and Jeff" was some sort of gay couple (AND WHAT IF IT WAS!?) and it took quite awhile for me to figure out what in hell was the guy talking about??? Didn't have a clue who it was! Random calling gay-sniffers, I guess?? Another reason why I finally managed to get on here was that we went to Barnes & Noble today and in the used book section was "The Perfect Name" baby-naming book ... of which I have looked my name up in numerous ones of those all my life. There was "Kyla", with various derivatives like Kylie, Kyra, Kyren, Kylen, Kylwhatthefucken! NOT ONE PLAIN OL' "Kyle"!!!!! But, of course, in the boy's section: KYLE, Gaelic, Irish; a strait or narrow crossing ................ yes, tread lightly through this NARROW path of tolerance that is wearing thin of nearly always having to explain why I am named Kyle! Strangers will say: WHAT is your name??? What??? Maybe I should just make up some name.......come to think of it, I have a cousin whose name was Patricia, called Pat, and she decided her name was going to be Claire. So...anyone out there want to pick out a name for me? I actually DO love my name now, but I have to talk to enough people Monday-Friday without having to explain it to one more darned person!!! Cease and desist, people! If my name was Cuckamunga Laroughe, I wonder what anyone would say? Hey! I also heard that my mom was thinking of naming me after my grandmother on my dad's side ... Margaret Lola...but everyone called her Maggie (a name I really do love) and mom didn't want me to be called Maggie. I think it would've been simply divine if she would've named me Kyle Lola ... just say it a few times, doesn't it have a certain zing to it? KyleLola! I could run it together and pretend I was from Hawaii!! My mother's mother was named, true fact!! Pansy Blossom! What did that poor sweetheart have to go through!? Probably not half of what I've gone through. Anyone else out there have a difficult time with their given names??? Please ... let me know so I don't feel so alone. My mom, dad and brother have all died and I've no one to share this androgenous-ness with ... oh, yeah, there's Jimi Lee and Georgie, but we don't speak to each other .... where is the love, peoples??? Where is the tolerance? My name isn't Bob or John or Ron or Jeff! Of course you can add an "ie" or a "y" to about any name and make it cutesy. So...........you folks cut me some slack, OK? On facebook I put my name as KyleLynn ... not even thinking it'd sound more girlish ... but it seems to have worked. KyleLynn it is! VOILA!
Happy trails, Bloggie Souls! Sending you the highest and best from your SisSTAR! XOXOXOXO

LUCK Compilation 2010 || Best Luck of the Year || FUNNY || HD

Remembering Mandy Girl

Hi there, Bloggie Souls! I have missed you so much! It has been such a blessing revisiting some of my faves listed at the bottom of my profile! Hi Holly, Hi Rhi, Hi Dancin', Hi Linn!!! Wish I would've "followed" more as I lost my "favorites" on the computer when switching browsers, didn't import when I'd thought they had. Waah!

Yes...Missing Mandy Girl...she's been dead 5 yrs now, shortly after my brother and cousin ... glad it is 5 yrs behind me, but it still threw me for a downturn the past while, coming out on the other side with good thoughts and pride in myself for having my "good grief" no matter what anyone else thought about my obsessiveness with thoughts of

DEATH! ;oD

I posted a few swiped photos from email fwds (don't you LOVE the "Laughin' Ass!" and that crazy pair of Dog/Orangutan! I posted that on my husband's facebook to give him a laugh when he woke up today. Yes, I've been on facebook WAAYYYY too much, but it's fun to get occasional instant return on small investments of posts and I just plain love bugging people! I am not a "friend hog" as I've rounded the corner to about 30, I guess...and 4 or 5 of those was the past week when I've gotten braver and more bolden and brass and accepted "strangers" into my circle. Some say it was because of my "humor" seen on their friends' posts from me. HUMOR? Moi? YA MON!

(I started a "Ya Mon!" comment which blazed a few tiny trails on fb pages, which was fun as it's a great comment for just about any post! It came about while viewing a fb friend in Florida's "night flight" on his bike and taking photos of various establishments and scenarios. One place just reminded me of Jamaican type stuff so the dreadlocks sprouted out of my pink head/white hairness and the urge to post YA MON! hit me. I think I've posted 100s now ... I try being a nuisance whenever it works ;oD

Well, me 'n Jeffrey just had freshly ground morning coffee with a Deep Intense dark chocolate Ghiardelli melted in the bottom and a dark chocolate Nonni Biscotti dunker(s)! Do you believe he was able to grind those beans forever and this SisSTAR was too busy in Dreamland to even hear him!??? And I am a very light sleeper! (except when I'm dreaming ... I probably incorporated the sound into those technicolor, way-too-busy scenes where I feel like I'm in a half dozen or so movies every night and esp early in the morning just before I wake up with a JOLT! and think, Wake Up, Kyle! Get up and get into Reality! Sometimes it's just exhausting to sleep ^;^

That's the problem with me blogging...the fingers don't know when to stop and I'm never quite sure if the brain is fully engaged @;@ One thing is for sure ... my regular wpm speed is 120 and give me this coffee extraordinaire and, well, I'm wide-awake buzzed on dark chocolate and coffee...and I rarely drink coffee or colas any more ... I get high sniffing Snapple tea! Truly I do! Let's just say I stayed up until 4 a.m. when I discovered that I still had Little Fish Tail blog and even realized that Second Edition (Holly, darling..) had commented 6 wks ago on a post of my own! Wowie! That was good for another hour until I realized if I was gonna share morning coffee treat with my Honey, I'd better get my ass to bed! Now I better get my bunnies offa here and get with the program. 1st x in quite awhile Jeff nor I have to work on a Saturday morning! Yeah!!! Fun things planned this weekend ... making it lazy and exhilarating all the same...and we are taking his sister, Linda, to Ruby Tuesday's tomorrow ... just found out she may very well be moving to Georgia by Labor Day! She lives about 10-12 miles away and we never visit each other! How dumb! We truly don't seem to miss people....

.....until they 

are

GONE

...and so I'm missing Mandy Girl ... I put a really awesome lead crystal candlestick on her grave with a tan and white marble orb on top of it and when the Sun hits it it'll smack me right in the face and eyeballs from the kitchen window! BEAM!!!!

Love you, Mandy Girl!

xoxoxoxoxo

Love you Facebookies...so much!

XOXOXO

from your

SisSTAR

xo

Where has the time gone!?

Hello from your SisSTAR!!

Seems as though this summer is flying by and the heat has been tremendous, even for us Michigan folk! Yes, I hear that Texas has ben over 100 degrees for about a month?? Way over in some cases. I feel for ya there, peoples!! But this is Michigan and hitting 100 last one day so far. But it has been in the 90s for way too long to suit me. I am a winter baby and I can truthfully say that I don't mind winter, you can pile on clothing and bundle up in blankets, even IF we put our thermostat at 60 degrees! But in the summertime you can go buck naked and (OK, I'll speak for myself only here) and you can still sweat buckets. It always pours out of my head like a fountain (Fountainhead?) and falls in my eyes and funky-fies up my new glasses @;@ ... and I'm trying to be so very careful with them. At nearly $500 I don't want any scratches or ill-fitting going on. I spent a good 7-8 yrs with the same pair that was lopsided, scratched so bad, and the nosepieces had fallen off, metal cutting into my nose - ouch! and even though my wonderful husband had new bows put on for me, the crappy "faux metal" on the sides disintegrated quickly, making funky greenish marks on the sides of my head from the oxidation. It was a great look, let me tell ya!

Oh, by the way! The photo above is my new car! After 17 yrs but merely 101,500 miles! we had to give up on my 1994 T-Bird. Called the Vietnam Veterans of Michigan and they came and got it the next day. They were impressed by it, though. New tires...full tank of gas...air conditioning still worked, and they figured they could probably get $1,000 for it to help someone out along the way. That made me feel a lot better. Plus we were given a $1,700+ income tax deduction for next year's taxes. I never had a car for 17 years. It had 3 miles on it when we got it. The new one is a Saturn Aura XR 2007 with under 38,000. It is midnight blue with black leather interior (ouch in the sunshine!) with a "moon roof". In fact, mostly all I've been able to do is drive to and from work in bumper to bumper road construction traffic with hardly enough time to listen to one song on the CD player. So last night after leaving work and a friend's house, I was hearing a particularly wonderful new CD my husband bought by Warren Haynes (google him, he's awesome!) and the blues he was singing and playing was so wonderful that I just drove right past our road and kept on going ... 50 mph on the straight-away ... not sure how many miles I drove, but I just kept going and going and turning left and left and left and circling around and then going down neighborhood roads, like I was showing Aura Lee the neighborhood (it's taken me awhile to 'like' her since I was so in love with Birdie and didn't want to give her up) ... The sky was just after sunset and was filled with stormy grey/blue and pink clouds which looked awesome out the moon roof. I just kept singing and driving ... and finally went home happy.

I have been on a crash course of seeing old friends and talking to old friends on the phone and this past week just since Sunday have or talked to 9 people including their little dogs and cats (who all loved me, too) You see, normally I'm quite a hermitess soon as I get out of work and I want nothing more than to come home and be quiet and have some dinner and wait for my honey who gets home quite late. More often than not I get on Facebook and spent waaayyyyy too much time on there, which explains why I have hardly posted on my blog for months! (I'm sorry, Bloggies ... I've missed you a lot! It just seems easier with lots more interaction with others on Facebook...but this Blog is a lot more me ... private except for those who might stop by. Probably most will stop stopping by since I'm rarely posting anything new. I keep telling myself "I'm gonna write on my blog" and then....whap! back to Facebook 2-3 times a day sometimes! I have, however, reconnected with some old friends from waaayyyy back in school days and some family members I'd lost touch with, so it has been rewarding.)

Well, I do sincerely hope to rekindle with some of my favorite bloggers, ie Rhiannon, Dancin' Fool, Imran and Sandpiper ... and maybe even meet some new folks. I have a small follow(s) bunch on here but not that they've posted comments. That's OK, though. If anything resonates with you, happy to know it, if not, happy you at least came by once to see what you can see.

Here's hoping all of you Bloggie Souls are having a safe and beautiful summer and that for you, wherever you are, Summertime...and the living is easy...fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high. Your Mama's rich and your Daddy's good lookin', so hush! little Babies, don't you cry!

Keep Cool ... Live in Love and Compassion for others ... and know that

Your SisSTAR Loves You!!!

XOXOXOXO

XOXOXO

XOXO

XO

X

O



From OSHO on WORTH

Meditation for the Day

from OSHO's Transformation Tarot

10. Worth
---------------------------------------
On the virtues of uselessness


Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that you are not here in life to become a commodity. You are not here to become a utility--that is below dignity. You are not here just to become more and more efficient--you are here to become more and more alive; you are here to become more and more intelligent; you are here to become more and more happy, ecstatically happy.

Lao Tzu was traveling with his disciples and they came to a forest where hundreds of carpenters were cutting trees, because a great palace was being built.

Almost the whole forest had been cut, but one tree was standing there, a big tree with thousands of branches--so big that ten thousand persons could sit under its shade. Lao Tzu asked his disciples to go and inquire why this tree had not been cut yet, when the whole forest had been cut and was deserted.
The disciples went and they asked the carpenters, "Why have you not cut this tree?"
The carpenters said, "This tree is absolutely useless. You cannot make anything out of it because every branch has so many knots in it. Nothing is straight. You cannot make pillars out of it, you cannot make furniture out of it. You cannot use it as fuel because the smoke is so dangerous to the eyes--you almost go blind. This tree is absolutely useless. That's why."
They came back. Lao Tzu laughed and he said, "Be like this tree. If you want to survive in this world be like this tree--absolutely useless. Then nobody will harm you. If you are straight you will be cut, you will become furniture in somebody's house. If you are beautiful you will be sold in the market, you will become a commodity. Be like this tree, absolutely useless. Then nobody can harm you. And you will grow big and vast, and thousands of people can find shade under you."
Lao Tzu has a logic altogether different from your mind. He says: Be the last. Move in the world as if you are not. Remain unknown. Don't try to be the first, don't be competitive, don't try to prove your worth. There is no need. Remain useless and enjoy.
Of course he is impractical. But if you understand him you will find that he is the most practical on a deeper layer, in the depth--because life is to enjoy and celebrate, life is not to become a utility. Life is more like poetry than like a commodity in the market; it should be like poetry, a song, a dance.
Lao Tzu says: If you try to be very clever, if you try to be very useful, you will be used. If you try to be very practical, somewhere or other you will be harnessed, because the world cannot leave the practical man alone. Lao Tzu says: Drop all these ideas. If you want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself.
Copyright © 2011 Osho International Foundation

Rainy but good holiday weekend

Peace from your

***SisSTAR***

xoxo

xo

x

*

My Giving Tree

McIntosh Apple Tree

soon to be climbed

by me

Whee!

klh



Springtime

I've been missing you, Bloggies. I'm not sure any one of you who I have grown so fond of over the last several years will ever return here in synch with my own lack of posting, probably since I got on facebook again. It's a whole different ballgame but it's not real conducive to me wanting to just sit down and where...whatever comes. If I try and plan a post, it doesn't seem to work out very well. I have not been happy with trying to find a new design for my blog nor can I seem to get it back to the way it used to be ... such is life, eh? (c'est la vie, oui?--I love saying that ;oD)

Today was not even 60 degrees. But the sun was out in all its glory and it makes such a difference in our moods, doesn't it? There were times in the past when springtime seemed bleak to me, after my folks died, for instance, at the end of March '86 and '93. Just then the newness of the greenery all around me and the flowers blooming weren't interesting to me, I only felt the cold and dark. It has been a long time since I felt that way, but I remember it ... perhaps it is because this spring has been the harshest in its coldness and rain ... snowed really late (and hoping for no snow in May--something I do NOT remember, but hey, it is Michigan!) It's been gloomy and cloudy and tornado-y and did I say gloomy?

Well, the sun came out and the flowers are blooming and the grass is so high most birds and even the mallards that bitched and moaned in the yard today were practically totally covered in grass. There were 3 males and 1 female ... she was bitching the most so I think I know what was going on there, eh? I also saw two rabbits flying around the neighborhood, one chasing the other really fast and far ... made me glad Tuffy Boy was sleeping in the garage! I can only imagine what was going on with the bunnies, eh?? ;oD

I also look down in the property of just under 2 acres of wildness mostly and see so many, many very tall trees fallen over like pick-up-stix ... right in the biggest growth of wild roses, our fortress against hoodlums who like to machete their way through the "woods". One thing I can say, though, is that those wild roses are a constant ... like the grapevines and cedars ... the lilies and irises in the garden pond, and those wild roses have the most heavenly smell when they are in their short-term bloom. And I can't tell you enough how gaw-jus and heady the scents are when I sit in my McIntosh apple tree dad planted when I was a kid ... and the pear trees and golden delicious. The orioles and tanagers get up in them and sing so melodiously and eat the blossoms and nectar ... and if I'm blessed enough, I will get even one opportunity to hide in that tree with the huge canopy and those birds will not know I'm there, but I will call out to them from learning their whistles and know a certain peace that is hard to come by in the winter ... and this winter has lasted too long ... and I welcome wholeheartedly this most precious of springtimes when there is possibility everywhere, even if it takes lots of hard work and doesn't come for free, it is a time when we are all witnesses to Life ... on this, our Home, our Mother Earth.

Highest and best blessings to you, my Bloggies ... I miss you and hope to hear from you soon and read your posts. You are important to me!

Much love,

Your SisSTAR

xoxo

xo

x

Catnapping

Tuffy found a new hiding place. Three times now I have found him in the utility room cupboards with his clean kitty beds (blankets, towels, etc) behind the tan lace curtain. I searched the first time in and outside everywhere I could think. I was stymied. Then I peeked in between the curtains and he'd been watching and listening to me all along and hoping he could catch a break--have a place to himself where no one could find him. I left him alone each 3 times now.

Today really got me, though, as he was napping in the old rocker and I decided to lie down with my bed pillow and blanket on the sofa to read "Lost Civilization of Lemuria" when my lids kept getting heavy. I tossed the book down and nodded to dream right away. I heard, "REOWWWW!" and then again! and he wanted me to wake up and let him out. I grumbled and did so. Off again to sleep and dream in the living room. It was gloomy out and I had a rare Monday off.

Ahhhhhh, sweet nap time! Cats got it goin' on!

"REOWWWWWWW!"

Man! jarred back to wakefulness, not knowing where I'd just been off to in the dreamworld, there was Tuffy sitting on the 40 gal critter food storage bin looking in the window wanting in. I was getting ticked. The "naps" were lasting about 5 minute intervals and my mind was getting short circuited. I opened the door and he wouldn't come in. Then he did. It has to be his move. @;@

He jumped up on his grooming table mostly used on "old matted" for feeding and spying on the neighborhood--cars, people, dogs, other cats, esp birds and squirrels. Or he watches the sun come up signifying another time to gouge "Mama's" bedroom door and scream to go out. He munched, and off I hodded again. He started in with the caterwaulin' again and I said, "NOT RIGHT NOW!" Those are MY words for "NO!" which he will rip me a new a-hole if I say that one when he refuses to be told no! He screamed and jumped on my feet and I tho't, "oh, sleep with Mama--take a little nap." He sat on the wooded end of the sofa on top of all the bills I'd paid and cards and notes I'd written to friends to go in tomorrow's mail. I tho't--"man! don't put your nasty cat-ass on my mail!" so I flung my blanket off--taking 3-4 good flings to unravel how it was binding me like a cocoon each time I flung it. I stomped over and opened the door and he went out. I made a big show of closing the drapes with the pull cord so he'd know NOT to be looking in on me when I resumed my longed-for nap again. I laid down again. All I could hear was my own pounding heartbeat and my wheezing lungs--and for an ultralight sleeper/napper, those are huge noises and aggravating--and I probably was getting all anxious from the exercise I received of getting up and down to let Tuf out and dreaming a few hours' worth in 2-3 five minute intervals. All is real quiet now as I write about this. I thought I heard some faint noises...not sure. I keep writing intently and I hear, nearly a decibel not audible to a human ... "meow" and it's dark in here, the sun having gone down and me not turning on any lights yet. Now I hear cat claws scratching frantically on his cardboard scratchy board--so I close this now because I have to let the cat out. I think I'll put earplugs in and crawl into the cupboard in the utility room behind the lace curtain... and dream. Again "meow" yes! I hear ya. I'm coming.

Addendum:

Damn! There was a black cat in the driveway probably drinking from a mud puddle and Tuf ran right at him/her, both tore off across the street and under the neighbor's big white truck. Shit! Why did I ever think I could take a nap!?

I closed the door and hope for the best.

Why didn't I name him Puff?

-klh 4/4/11, 8:08 pm-

Delving into memories of some dolls

As I looked inward for relief from this world, I happened upon some memories of various dolls I've had, all the way back to age 2 and up. Here is what I came up with:

TINY TEARS - her head was ripped off to look for "dope" by my mother during a psychotic break. Father "repaired" the doll for me as well as taping up cracks in her legs and her fingers were chewed ... eyelashes missing and eyes closed kind of funny ... She was my BABY!

BETTY LOU - big baby doll I had very young who probably had a porcelain or bisque head and she was broken with pieces missing from her head from my brother dropping her. She went to "Doll Heaven," I was told ... which in an awesome and memorable moment of "snooping" in the utility room cupboards, climbing up to the top cupboards, I discovered "Doll Heaven" was up there with broken Betty Lou. AH HAH moment.

FORGOTTEN NAME - given a doll that was quite large with a blue little girl dress with ribbons and lovely blonde hair which I immedately wanted to "do" her hair and washed it and it turned into a straw pile resembling a cyclone. Gave up idea of becoming beautician.

DIAMONDS - Before the police took my mom away ... to jail then to a psych ward ... I was 5 years old and just started kindergarten ... the police allowed my mom her wish to go up to the "Little Store" and buy me a doll and my brother guns in holsters ... then "adios."
That doll was very tall with a beautiful blue long ball gown all sparkly with high heels and pearl and diamond earrings and necklace. Her hair was brown and curly and short. She made me feel creepy and sad but I felt sorry for her, her job to replace my mom and cheer up.

BRIDE DOLL - mom's friend Gladys gave me a beautiful small bride doll with a white gown and veil and glamorous hair and face. I think her hair was strawberry blonde. She just sat there. Being a bride didn't seem feasible much. Thankless job.

There were small little jointed dolls with handmade clothes from my Aunt Dorothy. The hair was long and wavy and you could put it in a ponytail. The clothes were very sweet, esp that she made them. Aunt Dorothy was special. She didn't know it, though.

I would sew clothes for my Tiny Tears with my hand crank plastic toy sewing machine. A little rough but I was still proud. I sold my sewing machine in elementary school 3rd or 4th grade for 50 cents to Ellen. Mom and dad were not happy. I felt rich.

Never having any Barbie dolls when young or a teenager -- I played with other friends' Barbies -- I bought myself an expensive reproduction porcelain replica of "Solo in the Spotlight" nightclub singer Barbie with a microphone, strapless black dress, glamorous undergarments and high heels, pearl necklace and earrings. That very expensive Barbie stood on many of my shelves holding her pink scarf with black long-gloved hands in various poses as she sang torch songs in Barbie-land -- until my newer Topsy Turvy doll from Mackinac Island fell over on her, breaking her arm and leg.

***
I truly believe that I chose not to have children due to the devastating beheading of my "baby" Tiny Tears that I had been the mother to for several years where I cared greatly for her, washing her little lambswool hair, giving her a bottle and miraculously changing her diapers when she peed and wiping the tears from her eyes. I'd carry her everywhere with me and dress her and make clothes for her and especially LOVE her. I was 4 or 5 when the horrible act happened ... by someone I loved more than anyone. Please parents, be careful what you do to your children or their belongings. I understood years later why it happened, but the child in me, and the inner child in me, only knew that my baby child was killed by my mother.

...from your SisSTAR xo

My New Song

May you be held in deepest compassion
May your suffering and pain find ease
May you be at peace
May you live in joy... Compassion and Ease, Joy and Peace...Always.
May I be held in deepest compassion
May my suffering and pain find ease...always
May I be at peace
May I live in joy ... Compassion, Ease and Joy and Peace...Always.

Holding you in my heart and wishing you all a Loving Valentine's Day, and don't forget to Love Yourselves!

I saw about 20 robins in the trees where I'm employed. They were eating berries in the snow and from the trees and it was joyous to see the proverbial harbinger of spring! Yet it was about 7 degrees, snow and ice everywhere. I'd seen earlier this winter a large group of robins in our wild roses where they were eating the rosehips. The wild roses may become unsightly and very painful if you get tangled up in them, but in the springtime they smell heavenly and even now in the depths of winter, they are providing nourishment for sentient beings...our beloved robins...and cardinals, etc. We love feeding the birds and critters and watching the squirrels fighting with the crows over the corn on the cob we throw out ... hauling an ear here and there, their special treasure. Or more like desperate survivalists. The little frog pond and its cattails and waterlilies is piled with mounds of snow and the 80 lb cement goose's beak is about all that is sticking out...and I forgot to put her coat on this winter ;o( She's still got her purple tie dyed dress with her little purple irridescent purse hanging off her shoulder. The Ice Queen of the Snow Pond! Ha! Oh I love it when I amuse myself....and it'd just be a bonus if anyone out there in blogsville get any chuckles or anything positive from whatever I post here. I have been bogged down at facebook, sticking my nose into my friends' business, stealthily or not ... and I've neglected my blog which I have enjoyed for several years. It's always been a way to share, to vent, to rage, to love, to laugh and entertain ... if only myself. Not sure if I like this new fangled template stuff I'm trying out here but the photo is a self portrait from the bathroom "medicine cabinet" mirror. Good Medicine...Here's looking at you ... or I've got my eyes on you, Bloggies!
In any event, it is now officially the 12th of February! Darned ... this winter is moving so slowly it seems ... spring seems so very far away, those robins were just teasin'! They were those hearty souls who decided they'd overwinter in Winter Wonderland ... and now they're saying, "What was I thinking?!" I'm grateful for that vision and hopefully renewed by the knowledge that they know very well how to take care of themselves and survive...and so do I. Here's to getting through the winter loving the fact that all that snow will nourish Mother Earth and help the water tables ... hopeful that down underneath all that snow and ice lots of interesting things are going on, planning, plotting and preparing for things to come ... and yet doing it all right Here and Now. Blessings and love to you from Your SisSTAR XOXOXO