SisSTARS for PEACE ... Proud to be for Peace and Love...War is Not an Answer!
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them--that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." -Lao-Tse
"The fates lead him who will--him who won't, they drag." -Seneca

Monday, November 5, 2012

Promises Promises ...

Ah, the missing, or should I say "hiding" photo I thought went astray. I'd like to call this TIME ... beyond 4:20........
this is a bronze lamp of a woman with a large sunflower frame for the clock ... she needs polishing for sure! At the base are more sunflowers and I bought her in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan a very long time ago. There were times I could get the clock to work, but I have enough clocks. I have been thinking of turning it into a picture frame...hey! maybe of sunflowers!? But I made this my desktop background so it would be darker in here when Tuffy Boy is sleeping. He's used to us being on the computer clacking away ... when he isn't outside in this freezing weather! It saddens me that he always wants to be out there and not inside with matter the weather, unless it is a massive downpour or blizzard ... but if it isn't ... he wants to be out there. He's my wild child, but I digress...
I put it on the background on Sunday night ... when Daylight Savings Time here in Michigan meant we had to "fall back" and "gained" an hour ... an imaginary hour, I feel. The body gets used to the rhythms of the "time" and you can't fake the mind and body out with some false hour we are convinced we are given, only to have it taken away next April ... who needs to 'save' the daylight? Why don't they have Moonlight Savings Time? that'd be for me!!! Lately I come home around 6 pm and it is already very dark outside. The "time" changed and I am still not used to it, though it felt nice to "feel" like I could go into work an hour later today ... but how long can you bleed that idea dry? If you get ONE hour ... surely you can't keep repeating that hour over and over ... and I love that this clock face is set at 4:27 ... beyond "4:20" that old craziness that someone somewhere made up as the "time to smoke marijuana" ... like a secret society or some password at a forbidden door. So I am going BEYOND that and returning once again to how things were as a teenager and young adult woman ... when so many said, "What are you ON?" because laughing and smiling and being kind and loving ... and did I say LAUGHING? And I  heard, "Why do you laugh all the time?" and got tired of that and would reply, "I can cry for you, too, if you'd rather!" (which was and is true!) i am a drop-of-the-hat laugher and cryer and I don't do "LOL"s either ... if I need to exhibit a laugh as I'm typing a post on facebook or here, I usually have to do HAHAHA! Yes, it takes more keystrokes, but at 120 wpm who gives a crapola?
And I don't have any magical techie thing to make you see the second hand move, either ... like: "If you see this river moving, you must fwd it to 20 people in 10 minutes or your life will be damned!" Damned if I do, damned if I don't ... I'm changing that around to:
It just resonates with me better.
Been feeding feral kitties behind the dumpster at work for many years now ... was asked by mgmt to stop 3 times a few yrs ago so I did...for one year...until I saw kittens standing there in the cold ... then I said, to hell with the mgmt, I don't have the stamina or fortitude to try and rescue these babies, but at least I can contribute to them having some nourishment and perhaps keeping them healthy and alive in some way. I have gotten flack from friends and strangers telling me I NEED TO rescue them ... Well, you go rescue them ... I'll keep feeding and watering them ... and giving them my beloved long winter shawl for some warmth ... but today, after knowing workers were redoing the parking lot and being able to tippy toe thru the tar or asphalt on Sunday to get to their spot where I know they rely on me coming ... TODAY I cried when I realized the new paving was taken right to where they come out from under a cement wall behind the dumpster wooden that there isn't enough room at all for even a tiny kitten to crawl under ... and I had to keep shoving food under the small opening and immed saw the kitten (1 of 2) come to eat...just made me sad, but I am determined to find a way ... if anyone were to try and rescue them, it will be much more difficult now that there's no way to get to them ... and they would always squeeze under that opening and come eat their lunch or dinner and drink some water ... of course, I've also seen racoons and oppossums eating and drinking their food also  which is why I don't leave too much at a time and hope they come soon to get it. That made me cry but we'll find a way ... there are other openings intermittently down the wall, just don't have the shelter that being behind the dumpster does and all out in the open. When the snow falls and they plow it against that cement wall, there are never any openings either, and I have trudged through knee deep snow often to put cans of mushy food on top of the wall where the cats would climb the trees on the other side and get up there ... and of course, so did a possum once and just stared at me with that goofy grin ... but don't know about the kittens ... they are about 5 weeks old now, I think ... the mama is black with green eyes that usually will look at me just once, like saying, "go now" or "thank you" and she has 4 white paws and short white whiskers ... I named her Bootsie but she doesn't really know that. I pray for Bootsie and her babies often and I hope you will, too.
Today I also cried, though unsure why, except for the fact that since last February, I've only been able to take the most direct route to work about 1-1/2 wks in June and today was the 1st time I could go to work in half the time, driving half the miles, as the 2nd bridge that was worked on was completed enough to open to traffic. People say there aren't any jobs ... but there's been nonstop road construction around here forever and ever! to the point where I want to scream when i see those orange and white barrels!!! There was road construction on 5-6!!! routes I'd come up with just to get 4 miles away from home! Even a few barrels just outside our parking lot! And now the lot is beautifully and newly paved ... to the detriment of "my" kitties ... but I know in my heart something good will happen for least I'll get to work more directly and quicker ... hey! I can be less late than usual - tee hee (oh, yes, I do 'tee hee' also, just no LOLs since I am NOT laughing out loud, I am sitting here in quiet, only the keys rattling, clacking away, HAHA'ng to myself, or an occasional TEEHEE'g ;o) (or that dumb smiley face with a wink)
OK, this is just more posting than I've done in years, I think! My  nephew Jacob Watson got me going today after I got him going on his blog again ... which i was so proud to hear. He is a damned good writer and a funny young man and a bleeding heart liberal and a kind, loving guy who is nice to know....then there was the fact that going to HIS blog made me go to MY blog which made me see some very nice comments from old friends Rhi and Dancin' who I cherish more than they'll ever know ... and then I think I've been sitting here ignoring all the shitty political automated phone calls on the answering machine to the point that I just turned the ans mach down so I couldn't hear them. Come on, people! 8-12 calls a day for the Republican party???? Don't you know that only makes me want to go vote for OBAMA even more now???
You see, I have become my old APOLITICAL self ... one of my favorite songs is by Little Feat called Apolitical Blues ... listen to it sometime as I don't know how to post it here just now ... and I did start voting AGAINST people and forced myself to become a voter ... until I became disenfranchised with it all and mistrustful ... and had decided that this election I was NOT going to vote at all! UNTIL!!! I kept receiving these goddamn calls and mail over and over by the same party, with only a few, very few, from the Democratic party. I do not affiliate myself with any party and it is sad that my votes are usually AGAINST someone more than FOR someone ... but just today I have decided I will go tomorrow mornign with my husband before I go in to work from 10am to 8 pm for 2 psychiarists @;@ <(my eyes!) to my elementary school I attended eons ago (since I am nearly 61 now! and attended this school system K-12 and on any given day can drive past all three schools I went to!!! which is in itself real freaky!) and vote for OBAMA ... the absolute best choice I could make ... I hope ... have to keep hope in my heart or I become apathetic. I remember that old saying from the '70s: "What is apathy? Ans: Who cares?" Apathy hurts me and doesn't do much for anyone else, either, but it does exist and can't deny it. So I will FORCE myself to vote ... because sometimes we just have to do what we should do and not always what we want.
Goodnight now ... husband won't be home for at least 2 more hours...but I feel I have spent some good time ignoring the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the basket by BLOGGING! Let's hope I can keep my promise and come back here again soon ... and perhaps I won't find the need to TYPE SO MUCH!!! I can't imagine who would want to read this much ... but it was cathartic writing it all. Must've been that movie SAMSARA I wrote about with fierceness...or the commentary posts by some friends 2 months ago that i just saw ... in any event, I did it ... that was my first sentence I ever spoke according to my Baby Book kept by my mother for maybe 1-1/2 years until my brother was born and it became just too much to do. My first words were: DADA, JO (?? my mom's name instead of MAMA??) and BUFF (our dog Buffer I only remember from photos) and I DID IT!
Love from

Wanting to add some beauty and interest since the post I just typed below is really not what I intended, but it's what happened ... sending you love from
your SisSTAR

Blogger has changed somewhat since my "olden days" and it's frustrating to me. Just tried to post a photo and I don't know where it ended up?? So I will plug along and just say that I have been on my blog for a few moments after having encouraged my nephew to keep writing and he posted something thanking me...well, that just got me going and I've found comments from friends and even strangers that I hadn't known about for over 2 months. See what happens when I'm 'liking' mind numblingly on facebook everyday?? or playing solitaire like a crazy as I can and frantic?? And why?? Who knows...gets rid of heart palpitations sometimes because I think it just takes my mind off things I'd rather not have it on.

Saw a movie last night with my husband at an art theatre in Royal Oak ... called SAMSARA. I'd picked up a postcard with the most interesting photo and words about it at our favorite vegetarian restaurant Inn Season ... and the movie ended up being shown in the same we went back the next night to see it. We went so excitedly right after watching Once Upon on Time on TV ... so happy to go to a movie! an art movie! And we were laughing and feeling so nice and good and welcoming a diversion ... and it was stunningly beautiful for about halfway through it ... and then it became so very disturbing i went from hardly being able to look at certain things to crying and hiding my eyes (thru partly open fingers) and feeling so bad that I'd subjected Jeffrey to this movie I'd looked so fwd to seeing ... it took 5 years and 25 countries with much time lapsed photography and it seemed as if it would be a vision feast ... well, it was feast and it was vomitous! It would have been a good ad, in the middle of a PETA organizational video ... horrors of how "meat" animals were treated ... I don't even want to give you any visuals ... I was so grateful I had become vegetarian for over a year ... and I do believe Jeff is highly considering it now also. He told me it reminded him of when he was a child and what would have to happen to eat the meat animals ... and how it horrified him then and this did now too.

But not just the animals...cultures in and of themselves that made me realize how "Made in China" or many other countries that crank out items after items ... or meat or you name it ... life size female sex dolls that looked unbelievably real ... all naked either upside down or right side up ... tons of 'em ... and all the technological WASTELANDS with difficult to watch people wading through toxic sludge to find something that may be saleable somewhere in it all ... to ski resorts built INSIDE at Dubai in the desert! and then there was 2 men who seemed like twins but the one had sort of strange eyes and I thought perhaps he had some affliction ... and his face kept twitching and wincing ... you never knew what country you were in or what was what for the most part ... and the credits were flying by so fast, it was hard to read and you can imagine 5 yrs worth and 25 countries! Well, turns out that guy with the winching face was a CLONE! of the other man who looked like his "better" twin!!! OMG!

There WERE gorgeous visuals and ethereal music emanating often and I absolutely love time lapsed photography esp of landscapes and all the sun/shadow/moon/stars going by ... beautiful monasteries with Tibetan monks playing wondrous instruments and oriental dancers and palaces and desert sands that had obviously been enormous storms that invaded homes that you didn't know if the homes had been emptied out before or after being piled halfway up the walls with sand in every way possible.

I felt somewhat betrayed by a movie I expected to be beautiful beyond what I'd seen for a long time and in the beginning I felt so peaceful and serene and my legs would shake with the excitement of the gorgeous scenery and music blending together. Then mid-way thru...horror struck. And this was no special effects ... this was cultural humanity shockingly brutal and perverted and plain sickening. If I could be so ... well...asking to much of anyone ... I would suggest that everyone! should see it so maybe they wouldn't keep buying the latest and greatest new tech invention or eat animals that are not even slaughtered...just plowed through, chickens sucked into a big machine being driven right into them as we watched ... and many young pink baby piglets suckling at what you see of their mother's teats only to eventually see what the mother was contained in ... big heavy barred cage which she bulged out of, no room to move an inch ... just like she was a blob that no one would care a thing about...except maybe those piglets who needed something to eat ... and then pan right to a factory of massive amounts of employees with their slash here/ rip open there, haul out guts and fling 'em down and repeat ... over and over...all day long...big white hogs hanging, heads gone, looking unbelievably like humans being gutted ... I am so sorry for anyone who might be reading this who wished they weren't. At least you aren't seeing the movie ... now from me ... and I am either warning you NOT to ... or daring you TO see it ... but I wouldn't ask anyone to see it on my account, because it was an assault to my sensitivities ... I love MOTHER EARTH so much ... and animals ... I hold them right up there as important as I am ... and after watching the factories it panned over to huge fat people (and I am quite heavy myself, so I'm not making fun of them) at fast food places gobbling down hamburgers ... not knowing or caring where that meat came from. When I used to say "mystery meat" I no longer can do that ... it's not a comes from SUFFERING!

I didn't intend to write on this movie, but I guess I have to exorcise it from my senses. Jeff adn I spoke about it today ... I usually am one to rattle on and talk talk talk about this and that ... we went home in silence and I didn't want to make him listen to one thing that I felt about it nor expect him to talk about what he felt, either. I apologized to him profoundly today for subjecting him to what he saw. I am glad he doesn't have dreams he remembers and also that I am not prone to nightmares.

Does it mean that that word Samsara, Sanskrit for changing ways on the wheel of life ... has to be SOOOO very extreme to open up to beauty like spectacular scenery and divine sounding voices singing ... to chaotic horrors of what some people have boiled down to ... a pulsing beat of music with beautiful women clad in bikinis with numbers attached to them ... holding the pole and dancing sexily around, smiling (the rare people who actually were smiling in the movie) and I suppose they were being rented or purchased or ?? and in the credits realizing that ALL of them were actually boys or men. Go to the extremes of the insane riches being poured into Dubai ... pump that oil...reap that greed and make sure you build the impossible...what you thought was mountains in some very cold region where skiiers were flying all over, you realized was INSIDE an enormous enclosure in the desert!

My favorite was some aboriginal people from I didn't know where with mud all over in their creatively coifed hair ... lots of orangey red mud ... like big thick dreadlocks ... babies shining and sleeping strapped on their backs ... large eyes of the men and women looking like brown and bloodshot watery pools staring at you and never smiling ... lips stretched way out so that they hung down to their chin bottoms and ears so stretched beyond capacity that they hung there ripped to just two flaps down to their shoulders ...

Then I think of WE ARE ALL ONE ... TEACH TOLERANCE ... LOVE ONE ANOTHER ... ONE LOVE, ONE GOD, JUSTICE FOR ALL etc etc............and the face of a CLONE twitches and blinks staring right into your own eyes ... not a robot, nor a machine ... a flesh covered human being CLONE. This Mother Earth of ours holds what seems like a megalomaniacal Intruder who throws humanity around as if it's some bizarre video game where anything goes ... ANYTHING at all... NOTHING at all ... The WHEEL OF LIFE .........................the best I can say is that I will CHOOSE WHO I AM and I will pledge to be THE ONE I AM ... and do my utmost best to not judge but try to understand ... there are over 7 billion people on Mother Earth, I believe. When I graduated from high school in 1970 there were 3.4 billion ... as I had to make a speech in front of the entire high school (and I was a shy girl then) about population control ... the POPULATION BOMB! It is here and we are us.........................HELP US! What is Humanity? Wailing walls and massive, massive!!!! processions bulging out of males prostrating themselves in Mecca seen from way up in the air down below in time lapsed fashion ... it was unbelievable! It looked like the cows going around in a giant stainless steel appearing factory ... all hooked up to milking machines squeezed as close together as they could on a huge WHEEL turn around and around slowly as the cows could not move, just be sucked dry of their milk that no doubt they were forced to produce at volumes that were impossible ... in NATURE ... but this wasn't NATURE as I knew it or as I ever wanted to know it.

BLESS THOSE GODFORSAKEN PEOPLE AND ANIMALS ... and ...........well, I am too spent to go on ... writing can be exhausting. The brain is going like a sleek train flying at the speed of insane thoughts ... the fingers can't keep up ... wanting to weave a cohesive essay here...not sure I've done that and asking your forgiveness for any assault to your own sensibilities ... I am forever in your gratitude for even bothering to read this...............LOVE ONE ANOTHER ... KINDNESS AND COMPASSION, EMPATHY ... UNDERSTANDING ... I feel like a visitor from outer space after viewing those visions! I don't want the Wheel of Life to contain 90% of those things. I always am a proponent of the word PEACE ... what does that mean to everyone? Something very different, I assume.

PEACE to you, my brothers and sisters ... my SisSTARS ... let us strive to be ourselves and know that perhaps all that is illusion and we will one day WAKE UP! and see the beauty in ourselves and in each other ... knowing that we have been kind, loving and generous ... and looked within because looking without is too damned painful.