SisSTARS for PEACE ... Proud to be for Peace and Love...War is Not an Answer!
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them--that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." -Lao-Tse
"The fates lead him who will--him who won't, they drag." -Seneca

Monday, April 28, 2008

Blue Monday

(photo Jeff Sloan-Mackinac Bridge)
Dreary day for the most part after such a beautiful sunny weekend. Had our first barbeque Saturday night with our buddy Gary. The guys went shopping for the food and they put it altogether and I just wheezed around the house and then trudged on out into the yard and plopped myself down in front of the little firepit and immediately got spewed on by massive quantities of smoke. A mighty, mighty wind came for me! I had to put on a hooded sweat shirt and winter scarf and mittens as it turned cold later on but it was so nice sitting out in our yard looking at the flowers starting to bloom and the trees leafing out, and we saw lots of yellow finches, cardinals, blue jays, but some Canadian geese, mallards and then two Great Blue Herons all heading into the sunset. It was mellow and pleasant with good conversation and company.
Today it was pouring rain--April showers--and gloomy and dreary and dark clouds. But I had to work anyway so tough noogies. When I had gotten home to spend time with Jeff before he went to work, the sun was out and I knew there had to be a rainbow somewhere, but I was too lazy to go hunt it down. Did I tell you folks the time the rainbow went through me while I was driving up north the day after my sister-in-law's funeral years ago? It was a huge electrical storm, flash-flooding sort of thing, and lots of drivers were pulling off the road and waiting for it to pass. I saw this huge rainbow off to the east and it was like the "end" of it kept moving towards the west, the field, the side of the road, the middle of the road, then FLASH! right through the center of our van and through me!! I was going, "Oh my god! Shit! It's going right through me!" and it was awesome. I was energized from the lightning, anyway, and this flipped me out. It is something I'll never forget. No pot of gold, just a golden glow of happiness.
So after Jeff went to work, I typed up a form for work to take in tomorrow, then felt stir-crazy walking around the house like a goofball. So I decided to sneak out to Sally's (Salvation Army) and see if there were any great cheap thrill bargains. I immediately found a t-shirt for my ex-husband, Billy, who was born on Abraham Lincoln's birthday, and who I had told years ago when we were splitting up, "Hey! everytime I see a penny, I'll think of you!" (yeah, I was mean, I could've said a $5 bill, but no! I had to say penny) and this t-shirt had a huge penny on it and it said "Camp Abe Lincoln" so I bought it + 2 summer shirts for myself, all for $6.37, and I decided to go over to visit him and his wife, Ruth, and, come to find out, his son's pitbull and beagle, too!
Well, soon as I came in the house the pitbull decided she loved my sweater (gladly, I bought that at Sally's, too) and by the time I had merely sat down 5 mins later, Gator had chewed about 5-6 holes in my sweater and shredded some of it. I decided better the sweater than me, and I felt really bad that I'd woken Billy up from a nap which he no doubt needed badly, and Ruth had to put on her bathrobe with company coming in and I just seemed to turn the whole house upside down. So I gave Billy his t-shirt, got the latest update on his very poor state of health (he is trying to get on a liver transplant list at U of M Hosp with no success so far) and laughed some with Ruth and Jake (and the dogs, who thankfully got put outside for a reprieve for me) then I decided it'd be a good time to get my ass home before a chunk got chewed out of it (yes, Gator got asked back in--perhaps it's because I smell like my cat? she just loves me!)
But I guess I put some little bit of a different moment in their lives, and surely in mine, and amongst all of it was the fact that I will always love William Dean Jarvis, and I am glad that his wife welcomed me over anytime--though I'm not sure how much they all get a kick out of the pitbull wanting to chew on me. I hope he likes his t-shirt ... it did cost me $1--that's 100 pennies! It was hard seeing him bundled up in lots of clothes and a sleeping bag with his oxygen hooked into his nose--and sounding pretty frustrated with sitting at U of M Hosp for over 3 hrs, talking to someone for only 15 mins and then being told they'd forgotten to tell the doctor he was there, being told he wasn't able to get on the liver transplant list yet--and that 15% of those waiting who ARE on the list die before they get ON it--and that those who have the transplant, 15% have lots of complications...that he'd gotten no encouragement anywhere. When he said, "You call this living?" I said, well, yes, at least someone who cares about you can come over and give you a dumb ass t-shirt and say hello to you...and he said, yeah, that was the highlight of his life, the rest of the time it was sitting in that chair huddled under a sleeping bag to stay warm. I wish so often the choices of those I've loved, including myself, had been different, that there had been less "escapism" and more "living life" ... but it's a fine line to decide what is right for someone else and, again, there's that hindsight and not foresight. But Billy was one of my brother's very good friends, also, like my husband Jeff was, and since I was never able to say goodbye to my brother, though I don't like to think of my visits as "goodbyes" to Billy, but we never know, do we? it is meaningful to me that, regardless of what each visit turns out like, I am making the effort to let him--and them--know that I do care and always will and maybe their hardships are lessened somehow knowing that someone a little bit "out of the loop" cares.
I put a photo of the Mackinac Bridge here today because I yearn so much to feel the freedom of being in the Upper Peninsula, or even up north where my parents were from, where me and Dana were born. I miss the Lakes and the birches and pines and the big rock formations. For now, I'll be happy grilling out in the yard, because that, too, is filled with wonderful memories and beauty. And I know happiness there as well.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Happy Over-the-Hump Day!

Man! Did you folks survive that Full Moon of last weekend? I know where the word "lunacy" comes from, for sure!!! This is Tuffy Boy in the neighbor's yard atoning for his sin of scratching his Daddy (Jeff) in the face, almost the eye! and feeling pretty darned bad about it! He may have gotten all excited that the Pope was visiting and decided to be Catholic, I'm not sure.
All weekend and for over a week now the toads and frogs have been singing (and other stuff!) in the pond and it was beautiful in the beginning, I even wrote it on the calendar. Now it's more like a trance state that makes you want to go mad and climb the walls. Then there's trying to keep Tuffy away from the little "toys" swimming around in the pond, oblivious to any cat lurking, since they are doing what things "do" in the springtime (except Tuffy, having been neutered). Anyway, we are looking fwd to them calming down and getting settled into turning into more toads and frogs and their high-pitched singing will be a thing of the past. It is a sure sign of spring, though. I have to admit, I do go out there and sing with them now and then. It isn't easy getting up to that octave any more but they don't mind if I sound awful.
Had a nice visit with Becky H Monday night ... had some pizza and went out and did a little shopping. It was just good to talk to someone non-work-related! We had a lot of laughs, too, and actually were celebrating her birthday that was 2 mos ago!!! Yes, I do procrastinate!
Well, nothing much going on (like in Dog River, Saskachewan--from Corner Gas, if you ever get to see it on WGN TV!) but wanted to stop by and say hello, just in case you were out there in my "viewing audience" ;o)
I've had loved ones tell me to keep on bloggin' so I can't let them down!
I think I better get up off my buns and walk outside ... I believe I've missed most of the day being stuck inside with no windows. I did sneak out to do a bank deposit and took myself to have a sandwich before I went back--and it was good and beautiful outside!
Pretty soon it'll be the weekend and there isn't a Full Moon this time! Thankfully!
Jeff and Tuffy have made up which makes me very happy. He batted me in the face one time but I had been trying out a new tiny comb on his face hairs and hadn't realized I'd pulled out one of his whiskers! I figured since that was the case, I deserved it, eh?
Love you all!
KLH-Keep Laughing, Honey!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Check out this blog's photography!

I love photography and have bumped into this beautiful place I wanted to share with you:

I hope you will check her out. It is like a peaceful vacation everytime I go there! Have a little "mini vacation" by going there soon!

Love to all!

KLH - Keep Laughin' Honey!

Sun moves into Taurus/Full Moon in Scorpio! Yeehah!

The grape hyacinths are coming up so I'm certain Dinka and Winky will be trying to sneak out of here again and go cavorting around! You can see this photo from last spring when Dinka packed his bags and off they went. Winky is usually self-contained, so he didn't need any bags. I can just imagine it now: They'll be doing little Gnome-y howls at the moon and trying to fish for pollywogs in the pond, they'll be trying to uproot my daffodils and capturing strange scents to leave around for Tuffy Boy to throw him off their trail. You may have seen the Gnawed Gnome photo previously! Tuffy has strange tastes, but apparently "gnome" is a delicacy for him. I doctored Dinka up from the last attack and he fared pretty well. Usually they watch over the house on the window ledge with all the agates and fossils and gemstones to make sure no bad energy gets thru the window, but they do like to sneak down the draperies late at night and we've noticed lots of things moved around the next morning. So, I'll just plan on allowing them their freedom to go a'roamin' ... 'cause in the end, we all know, there's no place like home and I just gotta love these little guys. Winky's brother, Gnarry (the "g" is not silent) usually remains on the window ledge, being sweet, and tending to the flowers hanging there. He wore out his shenanigans in his previous life and he just wantsa have peace and quiet. He'll be glad to see Dinka and Winky get out and quit pestering him. They'll be back after the full moon, though, drunk on daffodil dewdrops with a little less baggage. Wish them well and blow them a kiss and miss them not for the memories in the mist will always be with you since they were wee boys and the only thing's changed are the toys. Those grape hyacinths can't blossom soon enough for Dinka and Winky!!
Y'all have a sweet weekend -- heed these Full Moon Warnings and know my heart is heavy full of love xoxoxoxoxo
SisSTAR Kylita

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hearts are Set Aright

(click to enlarge photo!)
Transformations of Mind
You say I'm lovely
You are so kind.
Ideas melting in candleglow
Or flames ablazing bright,
My sanity at its ebb and flow
Is flowing on tonight.
We hold the Hand of Love
It leads us onward into flight
Stars are there by night or day
And hearts are set aright.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


There's just something about April 15th!

No, this isn't a photo of April 15th, probably more like June or later, but the pond is coming alive with tadpoles and the waterlilies are putting out leaves. Tuffy keeps circling the rocks and can't seem to resist the swamp water that is the pond. Yum, Tuffy Boy!! We've had so many bullfrogs and dragonflies hatch out of this little garden pond and each year there are different things growing around and in it. Often groundcover starts to grow over the liner so you can't see that (how unprofessional of us!) and I'll never forget when we had over 30 goldfish that had grown from tiny little things we bought at Meijer's to big honkers that we had to save from the wicked hole that "happened" to get into the bottom of the pond liner one winter, when all of those goldfish were hunkering down in the hole we used to put the water pump. We were out there with a big hole heated through the ice scooping the fish out with dishpans and pan by pay we'd run them into the garage where the big 30-40 gallon Rubbermaid trash cans awaited their over-wintering or death, whichever came first. There were 2 big cans we kept them in and there were only a few that didn't make it. A couple were floating on their sides and I rescued them and put one of them in a big salad bowl and took him in the house so he would at least have a "good death", sort of like "Goldfish Hospice". Strange thing, the thing rallied around and started swimming around and even eating, so I ended up paying, oh, perhaps $100 for a 10-gallon aquarium and little by little he was introduced to his new home, one he ended up sharing with the next one to start going belly-up, then into the big bowl, then rallying and into the 10-gallon home for quarantined fish. I remember giving them both names, but I don't remember what they were any more. I know they didn't seem to like each other very well. I thought they were miraculous. And the others out in the garage all winter!! I would go out and talk and sing gently to them and promised them that I would do my part to help them get back out there in their very own new pond. Well, that part came to Jeffrey. We tore all the old rocks away and Jeff dug and dug until it was probably more than double the size. We bought a real professional, expensive liner, and redid all the rocks and early, early spring (like around now) we got it ready and out came the big pots and pans to escort the goldfish back outside, only perhaps 3 dying all told. We took them and, whoooooshhh! they went flying into the new pond water and swam around and around like they were in a parade! They'd made it and we were all so happy. Then the 10-gallon "hospice" inside somehow ended up breaking and both fish were lying on the wood! (yes, had to be wood!) flooring so I scooped them up and put them out there. I'm not sure, but I think those two were some of the first to go ... yes, I said "to go" and by that I mean, the menace that I learned to love and make friends with, and bargain with now and then, came rather regularly and even one day I was amazed at watching that Great Blue Heron eerily walking with its tall bent stick stilt legs and staring into the pond water, then, stab, flip, gulp! there went one of my babies!!! Oh, it was too much to bear. I put fishing line around the pond which deterred him for awhile. I put the 80 lb cement goose in its scariest outfit (not the butterfly as in this photo, but I'm not sure what a heron predator is?). I acted like a goofball in this love-hate relationship I had with Heron Baby. S/he was so awesome. S/he'd fly away only to land on the chain link fence and stare at me forever. Then one afternoon I was stuck in the corner up on the sink and counter, painting the corner windows inside, and outside sitting up in the broken pine tree top was the Heron. And we stared at each other endlessly. I was even hoping it would nest there, yet knowing I'd never have another goldfish or bullfrog if that happened. But for well over 2 hours it was me and the Heron. It ended up feasting on all of the goldfish, which is probably just as well since the home's new resident wild cat, Tuffy, would be zoning in on those babies and making me a nervous wreck. It's bad enough when he tries to get the bullfrogs. I love all this nature and that's why it was hard to stay mad at the heron. It was so magnificent. And the goldfish did have an interesting and, hopefully, fairly good life. Better than at Meijer's!
Let's see, oh yeah, I was saying, there's always something about April 15th! Those fucking taxes! Why can't some Great Blue Heron come swoop down and feast on all those returns some poor suckers are still working on (afterall, it's only 10:40 pm here in Michigan!) and maybe our Fearless Leader could send us all Giant Storks filled with yen-turned-dollars in their beaks and shower them all down on us! Why can't that happen, eh? I gotta tell ya, we just mailed ours today, even though they were done ages ago (the 9th) hee hee!
OK, this is enough of all this! Come on, April 16th!!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Talkin' to a good friend

It was so nice getting a message from my good friend Jane. She was concerned about my heart doing its flip-flops. So I called her back and laid all the stuff on her that I was having a hard time dealing with, I guess, and she took it all in stride and helped me so much just by listening. I have been bombarded this week with quite a few difficult situations, mostly other's, not my own. But I tend to internalize all that and need to work on stopping that--for my heart's sake. She herself was my friend who broke or sprained or bruised badly her shoulder blade, collar bone, ribs, etc. skiing last winter and the Easter card I got from her was the wildest one I ever had. It was a big basket of colored easter eggs and there was one peek-hole and underneath was her bare naked breasts and chest with a gigantic bruise of lovely yellow and purple, which colored the easter egg on the cover of the card. It was quite unusual and I loved it, except that bruise looked soooo bad, you poor woman!! But she's talking about riding bikes and kayaking soon--so trudge onward, SisSTAR Jane! I always admired your stamina and wilderness-y persona. By all means, bring your tent and camp out on our little 2 acres. There were 4 deer a few days ago, a big fat groundhog, a possum and I don't know how you feel about the skunk but maybe there can just be mutual respect there ;o) And, of course, there's Tuffy. And we can all get in your tent with flashlights and tell scary stories with them underneath our chins -- ooooohhhhhhh! Scary! You know I always wanted a teepee down there and a sweat lodge and, well, maybe we could just nonchallantly throw in a big labyrinth while we're at it. If only I had any energy! Ah, woe is moi! Energy follows intention, so I intend to get my heart ticking good and get out there and clean up my flower beds, the pond, etc. I got all my work done for the 2 docs this wk, even went in tonight after I shopped for supplies at Office Max and drove to the ofc in what looked like something Dorothy and Toto would've flown up in the air in--huge hailstones, really dark tornado-y looking clouds and that eerie greenish sky like you said just passed by you when we were on the phone. So, anyway, I hope you can read this because, for all you do, this Bud's for you ~)!(~ Hope you enjoyed the play. Thanks again for calling and your concern and kindness. It really meant a lot.
SisSTAR Kylita xoxoxo
p.s. Your crescent moon follows after next one and the poem I wrote when we lived up north me, you and DanB!

Love to Kristine and Georgie

This is to show the beautiful card that my friend Kristine let me have from the '70s she'd held onto. I think it is so lovely. And the little owls I have since returned to my cousin, Georgie, because she needed them worse than I did. Both Kristine and Georgie are going through some sad things right now with "family" and perhaps "self" also and I just want to send support and love and always open arms. Highest and best blessings, SisSTARS. Love, Kylo xo

Sunday, April 6, 2008

New Moon in April

(photo Jane S. 2008)
New Moon in April
Someone's on the telephone
Knockin' on my door
People tryin' to find me
there's no hidin' any more.
Because I'm so understanding
but not too understood
I wish I was more wicked
...but I'm so goddamn good.
Tonight the lunar blackness
Manifests in me these thoughts
There's a black hole in the sky tonight
And many nerves are shot.
A new moon has swept the sky
The light's been painted out,
To bring the light back I must try
While others fret and shout
There's a black hole in the sky tonight
and everyone's falling through
I'm so grateful that the Moon
has no such! hold on me
...or you!
--klh April 1983
(a blast from the past--true story,
and in honor of the New Moon this
weekend--from your SisSTAR xo)

Day is Done...

(photo by Jeffrey 10/07)
Would I Not Call?
Would I not call a friend up to converse, laugh or cry?
venture from this day-to-day scene, at least try?
If this solitude is sweeter than a friend
or change of scenery,
it bodes fear that one day it might swallow the attempt
to externalize my reveries and try to live again
outside this introspection, my heartfelt understanding
that I delve into my Self and yet
I risk not the demanding
of explaining how or where I've been, what I think, feel or see
to others whom I scarcely trust
my bittersweet memories.
Would I not write a letter, or send a friendly greeting
to let some loved one know I care our hearts are beating?
Will ever come a time I jump up and run outside--
fly through the air or swim beneath
the ocean of my crime
of idle restless meandering
through the grayness of the times
I spend between the daydreams and
the realness of the grind?
Can I dream of other ways to be yet still remain
this humble, angry soul who feels such shame
from never being like my vision on the Path--
a Path that ends at my doorway with no key to fit the latch,
and another cannot enter (how I often wish
one would come inside, sit with me,
laugh, chat, cry--or catch me staring
vacant dreaming of another time).
So at present I am with myself--alone.
Will ever I resolve the inner questing of my mind,
or questions asked by it any answers ever find?
(Or do I know the answers and the questions slipped my mind?)
In grief I've found some solace, simple pleasures to just BE
until it is the time to be no more.
Memories hold me willingly as I try to solve the riddle,
reenacting why I place myself
as peacemaker in the middle
seeing through the lies while ambivalence
sees opposing sides.
I seek a solitary life to integrate my mind
and hope that I accomplish such before a split occurs
shattering this tenuous sanity that is my own.
Fragmented is not comfortable so I bluff wholeness serenely
and truly fear I am a sham
and filled with too much vanity.
Behold this Sister here before the humble mirror reflecting
out away from what's within
in pretense of perfecting.
I know there's goodness ever to be found in seeking Truth
I cannot end my search for what is me
(though I truly thought I would be found by now!)
Just maybe I am younger than my years or how I feel--
A birthing needs to happen to a newer,
peaceful me...
a sturdy soul that stands alone
yet lives in Harmony.
--klh 6/2/95

Saturday, April 5, 2008

for Jeffrey

(photo by Jeffrey 10/07)
Yours is the voice
I'd rather hear
Than any other
With its depth and soul
I lose control
In a reverie of
Then I realize any
Daily grind
Is not so dismal
As it seems.
Oh, how I love
Your voice.

Sunny Spring Saturday ;o)

Happy Hosta Hearts from a friend (Pamela, you know it's you!) They won't be appearing for awhile but the Chinese Forget-Me-Nots beside them are poking through now that your brother gave me many years ago. You are all in my Heart!
Wanted to open the page of Guide for the Advanced Soul again and send you all a message:
"Be like a very small joyous child living gloriously in the ever present Now without a single worry or concern about even the next moment of time."
--Eileen Caddy/The Dawn of Change
Sounds good to about you? ...from your loving SisSTAR Kylita xo

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Happy Birthday, Aunt Geneva xo

Just wanted to send some loving greetings to our Aunt Geneva in Tennessee today. This is the best I can do for a "family photo" which was taken at Jeff's 49th birthday a few yrs back.
Front row: Kristy, Becky, Janet & Jeff
Back Row: Jan (our friend), Chris (Kristy's husband), Gary (our friend) and Johnny
Notice the SLOAN University shirt Jeff is wearing? Cool, eh?
Hope you are doing well and remembering past birthdays with fondness and love. I know you miss your daughter and somehow I feel that her Spirit must be with you on this day and always because you both loved each other so much. Thank you for such a fine example of a good mother, sister and aunt. Since I was taking the photo, you'll just have to check your cupboard for Quaker Oatmeal and that guy on the front looks just like me! hee hee!
Love, Kyle and all of us
P.S. I hear you like NASCAR!?