Resonating with someone

Today for some reason (or several) I had about an hour to feel sad and lonely. It wasn't because I didn't have love or friendship to ease some mental anguish, it's just that it felt at that moment there was no one to understand that I, too, have sorrow going on in my psyche nearly everyday. I don't want to be that way, but in the depths of my heart and Soul, I feel a certain loneliness that is hard to impart to others. This painting was sent in an email...something about Jesus. That's all well and good, but when I look at it, I see myself and many others, those of us needing to feel there is Something greater than ourselves understanding and loving us, no matter what we're feeling about ourselves that isn't always "healthy" or could be convoluted and disjointed...just a few friends now and then who can love you because...just because. Not because you did anything of a shining example sort, or because you were clever or helpful or supportive, just because. (Notice how I switched cleverly from "I" to "you" here...don't you hate it when that happens? ;o) I'm not certain at all what I'm even trying to convey here, just that today for a short while I just played some old familiar songs and sang them loudly and bawled my eyes out. Daddy always said crying was "cleansing the Soul" ... so I figure my Soul got a good scrubbing for this month. So on behalf of myself...and all too often I pride myself on being "together" and "strong" and "witty" and "empathetic" ...on behalf of myself and any others of you out there who might have come upon this posting, I want to say that it just has to be OK to let my hair down and feel whatever I feel...and if there's no one to share that with, then I'll share it with that Higher Self standing behind me on some other plane, the one who understands more than I ever could, and know that tears and laughter go hand in hand and I won't apologize nor will I feel ashamed. Sometimes I need to get off kilter, off balance, to find my center once again. The fact that I can dare to tippy toe out on that limb and even write it here tells me that my Center has just breathed a sigh of relief. And so it is.............from your SisSTAR xoxo.

Her favorite thing to do was

We had to put Mandy Girl to sleep 3 yrs ago tomorrow ... a very sad day, but the joys she brought to us and many of our friends (she'd give Kristine kisses but hardly ever us!) they will always bring us wonderful memories to temper any sorrow. She loved Frosty Paws, the little cups of dog ice cream you could buy in a 4-pk at the grocery store freezer dept. It was like crack for dogs ... our dog before Mandy was called Huey and he was so addicted to it all you had to do was whisper "frosty paws" and he'd start crying and whining. So, of course, we wanted to make sure Mandy had the same monkey on her back, eh? On a hot summer day she'd go outside with her cup of Frosty Paws like in this photo, and nothing could persuade her to even look away until she was done licking it clean. She got one 3 yrs ago tomorrow and she loved it. She never liked other dogs, as her papers from the Humane Society told us when we adopted her, and if any would walk by the fence, she would turn into some Cujo from Hell dog, which was so unbelievable because she was so sweet. She was probably attacked when young. She was purportedly a year old when we got her. We had her nearly 11 yrs and we miss her so. We haven't gotten another dog...just a few wks after we buried her in the yard (I've told this story before, but bear with me), a cat came running up to me as I was weeding the flowers on her grave, rolling around my feet and crying and reowing like crazy. We did NOT want a cat or any pet. We started giving it food (duh!) way off away from the yard (duh again) and then after about 3 wks, we had the vet who put Mandy to sleep come back and check him out. Since we made an appt for him to be checked out, we decided we didn't want his appt to be for "Stray Cat Sloan" so we named him Tuffy. I won't dare post a photo of him here...but I have a big lock of Mandy's hair and it is, I swear, the same color as Tuffy Boy's. He loves to eat the same kind of grass that she did. He gets to sleep on practically anything he decides to, even the furniture, unlike Mandy (except when we were gone, but we caught her slinking off the couch a few times). He was a gift, I believe. She truly was a gift. The dream I had of her last night was lucid, me yelling at her for stealing a big chunk of suet out of the bird feeder on the fence. Then I realized while dreaming, hey! you're dead! You go ahead and eat that if you want...or at least try and tick me off stealing it! You go, Girl! and then, poof! she went.
klh xo

Missing Mandy Girl

Assignment

I was actually cleaning my bedroom today and found the book Cherokee Feast of Days by Joyce Sequichie Hifler (daily meditations) which had a list I'd made out, year unknown? that I thought I would post tonight. I invite any of you to list 10 things also:

List 10 Happy Childhood Memories:

1) Jumping on the furniture Saturday mornings with Dana (esp to find change in the sofa and chairs).

2) Making Grandma's (then Mom's) 1957 Packard's torsion level go up and down by weighing the back down sitting on it--usually me and Dana--then switching to the front and doing it again, and Repeat! It would make a little "bzzzzzzzz" sound and raise slowly up. We thought it great fun.

3) Grandma Link brushing my hair and making 2 ponytails on the sides. Mom and dad always cut my hair really short and the bangs straight across, higher and higher as they'd cut them crooked. So to have 2 little pony tails was exquisite!

4) Swinging--at school, Grandma's apple tree, our awesome handmade log swing. Way up high and flinging myself all around. And parachuting out. Had a trapeze bar, too, and I'd swing on that sitting or hanging by my knees. Our collie, Chi Chi, would try to catch me back and forth when I hung upside down.

5) Kind principal in kindergarten. Mrs. Thorpe. and the kind janitor, Mr. George. I was sick a lot and missed a lot of school and in hospitals for lengthy stays.

6) Snakes--garter snakes, of course, and all critters. My dad helped us not to be afraid of them and we took joy in searching them out and carrying them around with us, making necklaces and bracelets with them. They like being held. Of course, I didn't grow up around poisonous snakes, so I had that going for me.

7) Going for long drives in the country--the 4 of us--going up north every spring to hunt morel mushrooms, staying in cottages and cabins and at grandma's or aunts' houses in the summer and a lot of holidays--lots of cousins, aunts, uncles--old family friends of parents to visit. My dad had 7 brothers and 1 sister and mom had 2 sisters.

8) Eating mom's homemade cookies ;oD ... Raiding the cookie jar ALWAYS.

9) A few good friends--in the neighborhood and at school.

10) Riding my bike--gave me a way to go fast as I could never run very well or at all with asthma. I loved the little hill and curve our house was at the top of (still live there) and learned how to fly down or up the hill and curve with "no hands" ... such a feeling of freedom and speed.

11) (bonus # ;o) Hula-hooping. Thinking about buying one of those new-fangled gigantic ones that maybe I could use today as the kids variety just won't work for me anymore.

****Here's another tidbit with this note I found of a conversation Olivia deHavilland had with Erroll Flynn and her commentary:

EF: "What do you want out of life?"

ODH: "Respect for difficult work well done. What do you want out of life?"

EF: "Success."

ODF: And by that he meant fame and riches, and that wasn't enough.

-------"I decided I would torture EF and we had (scenes) with many kisses and I'd look

forward to and I'd mess up the scenes, 6, 7, 8 times and we'd have to kiss all over again...I

believe he had trouble with his tights."

*********

And for today's Cherokee Feast meditation:

August 17th:

We really never lose anyone. If they were ever a part of our lives, they are always a part of our lives. The important thing is not to regret what has gone before but to take from it the lesson, the experience that was in it for us. Life is a two-way street, not always sunshine and flowers but a few clouds, a few tears, go with it. It is a complex mixture of many things we are supposed to glean from it. We cannot park by what went wrong, nor can we linger forever by something we might have done right. It is a progressive, moving time filled with new experiences, memories b oth good and not so good, and many promising hours. It is possible to put our emotions aside and remember joy. But above all, the best is yet to be.

"The Great Spirit placed me here...to take good care of the ground and to do each other no harm." --Young Chief

**************

Remember those happy moments in childhood ... and also create some new memories now. Be happy and find joy. Jeff and I were sitting together in our living room last night and a humming bird just buzzed to the middle of the window beside us and looked in. In Native American spirituality, I've read the Hummingbird stands for "Joy".

Goodnight from your

SisSTAR.......with love and gratitude for your friendship.

Oh to see Lake Michigan again

It was 2 wks ago right now I was up north at the wedding. The mother of the bride is my 2nd cousin Sondra and the header I chose today at the top of my blog are the beautiful flowers in jars with rocks they gathered in the bottom. You folks might be sick of hearing about it, but it was such a lovely moment in time for me. Let me tell ya, it beats the hell out of funerals! Thanks for the nice time, and I hope Amanda and Ed are enjoying their 2 week anniversary ;oD

Only being up there a short time was really sad. Seems like months ago already since work has been so busy. I am grateful it is Friday night and we have no plans...heavy sigh....oh, to see Lake Michigan again, it would be such a pleasant thing to do. The bride and groom actually DID jump off the pier and the photographer even got photos of them under water! Wowie! I was able to watch a little video of it on my Facebook. Sondra gave me the 3 separate larger rocks she'd hand painted with Peace Love and Happiness on them saying they reminded her of me. Of course, complete with peace symbol, a heart and a smiley face. Strange enough! I have little magnets on a lamp in my living room with just the symbols, so I grouped them together. Some moments you work up to so quietly and eagerly with such anticipation, then the crescendo of the moment at hand, then the ebbing away and then the memory. Life is like that.

I wish all of you Peace, Love and Happiness ebbing and flowing beautifully through your lives, Always & Forever.......from your SisSTAR XOXOXO

Remembering my brother again

Dana Meredith Haswell, Jr.

Sept 17, 1953 - Aug 10, 2006

I will always miss you,

Little Brother

8-10-06 was a Thurs night around this time

and the moon was full like it is

right now...

I'll see you in my dreams.

Love from,

your sister, Kyle Lynn

xoxo

xo

x

Friday, July 31st, Elberta Beach, Lake Michigan

They Took the Plunge

Amanda and Edward Cheladyn

they took the plunge literally!

The wedding was lovely with beautiful weather

was so good to see family again and

good friends

We had fun stopping at some resale stores

and got some "practical" souvenirs

Strangely enough, I took no photos this trip

but there are many memories and

good feelings lingering on

Congratulations to the newlyweds!

Live long and prosper!

;oD

Love from your

SisSTAR

xoxo

xo

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