Today for some reason (or several) I had about an hour to feel sad and lonely. It wasn't because I didn't have love or friendship to ease some mental anguish, it's just that it felt at that moment there was no one to understand that I, too, have sorrow going on in my psyche nearly everyday. I don't want to be that way, but in the depths of my heart and Soul, I feel a certain loneliness that is hard to impart to others. This painting was sent in an email...something about Jesus. That's all well and good, but when I look at it, I see myself and many others, those of us needing to feel there is Something greater than ourselves understanding and loving us, no matter what we're feeling about ourselves that isn't always "healthy" or could be convoluted and disjointed...just a few friends now and then who can love you because...just because. Not because you did anything of a shining example sort, or because you were clever or helpful or supportive, just because. (Notice how I switched cleverly from "I" to "you" here...don't you hate it when that happens? ;o) I'm not certain at all what I'm even trying to convey here, just that today for a short while I just played some old familiar songs and sang them loudly and bawled my eyes out. Daddy always said crying was "cleansing the Soul" ... so I figure my Soul got a good scrubbing for this month. So on behalf of myself...and all too often I pride myself on being "together" and "strong" and "witty" and "empathetic" ...on behalf of myself and any others of you out there who might have come upon this posting, I want to say that it just has to be OK to let my hair down and feel whatever I feel...and if there's no one to share that with, then I'll share it with that Higher Self standing behind me on some other plane, the one who understands more than I ever could, and know that tears and laughter go hand in hand and I won't apologize nor will I feel ashamed. Sometimes I need to get off kilter, off balance, to find my center once again. The fact that I can dare to tippy toe out on that limb and even write it here tells me that my Center has just breathed a sigh of relief. And so it is.............from your SisSTAR xoxo.
*SisSTAR KYLITA* KLH-Keep Laughin' Honey
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Resonating with someone
Today for some reason (or several) I had about an hour to feel sad and lonely. It wasn't because I didn't have love or friendship to ease some mental anguish, it's just that it felt at that moment there was no one to understand that I, too, have sorrow going on in my psyche nearly everyday. I don't want to be that way, but in the depths of my heart and Soul, I feel a certain loneliness that is hard to impart to others. This painting was sent in an email...something about Jesus. That's all well and good, but when I look at it, I see myself and many others, those of us needing to feel there is Something greater than ourselves understanding and loving us, no matter what we're feeling about ourselves that isn't always "healthy" or could be convoluted and disjointed...just a few friends now and then who can love you because...just because. Not because you did anything of a shining example sort, or because you were clever or helpful or supportive, just because. (Notice how I switched cleverly from "I" to "you" here...don't you hate it when that happens? ;o) I'm not certain at all what I'm even trying to convey here, just that today for a short while I just played some old familiar songs and sang them loudly and bawled my eyes out. Daddy always said crying was "cleansing the Soul" ... so I figure my Soul got a good scrubbing for this month. So on behalf of myself...and all too often I pride myself on being "together" and "strong" and "witty" and "empathetic" ...on behalf of myself and any others of you out there who might have come upon this posting, I want to say that it just has to be OK to let my hair down and feel whatever I feel...and if there's no one to share that with, then I'll share it with that Higher Self standing behind me on some other plane, the one who understands more than I ever could, and know that tears and laughter go hand in hand and I won't apologize nor will I feel ashamed. Sometimes I need to get off kilter, off balance, to find my center once again. The fact that I can dare to tippy toe out on that limb and even write it here tells me that my Center has just breathed a sigh of relief. And so it is.............from your SisSTAR xoxo.
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3 comments:
Oh Kylita..I think what you wrote and what you are feeling and doing about it is a good release. Your very brave to just lay it out there.
I "Go there" also..but haven't been so good at the crying thing as well as I used to...you "let go" and danced and sang it out. I do this..but not as much as I used to. I think I should try to do it more...it's kind of like an emotional "detoxifying' deal don't you think? The sense of feeling alone in this is true..I feel that way so much. I think many do that are really in touch with their feelings.
You've only reminded me SisStar Kylita that it's good to do this more..I've been doing it my whole life and I thought I was "strange" and others did too...was told years ago that it is very good therapy..so I think what what you feel and are doing to let those feelings come out are very freeing.
I wish I could talk with you more about this...hope your okay.
By the way I had a funny and interesting conversation today (with that man)in the big reception room with the big tv screen as I watched Ted Kennedy's burial. I got more brave and took some of your advice. I can't wait to tell you about it more some time..and how that conversation went. He is a funny man and I bet he is a Cancer! Because he makes jokes all the time and is stubborn..but admits it..hmmm...something really funny happened that I did..can't wait to tell you.
For now I am thinking about you and the feeling of being so alone in your own pain and thoughts..
Love you,
Rhi
Hey Honey! Well I am back and have lots of pictures to share but my first stop is here to say hello, thanks for your comment and biggest ever hugs to you.
I loved your post and you are right to allow yourself time to cry and as Rhiannon put so well have an emotional detoxification. It is necessary and healthy to do so. I also find music is the best companion for these times.
I hope today finds you smiling and laughing again. Bye for now bud xxx
Sometimes, I feel unfulfilled too at times, but am not sure where the feeling comes from.
Sometimes, I need to be alone with my thoughts... to get in touch with me, my own way.
I normally will go out biking to some quite place that is normally where nature is abound and at times with a body of water in front of me and be with my thoughts... sometimes daydream too.
I came back physically recharged from all that sweat from the exercise and mentally "sober" again to start the daily living in this fast-paced life.
These are some strange feelings from deep unknown origins within ourselves that need our attention to spend some time to feed it through a calming outlet.
Ultimately, at times, our surrender to The Almighty is best when we have exhausted all resolutions.
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