CONVALESCING

 



 

Photo: Alabaster Angel Lamp with Bird

and bracelet made by a friend...beside my bed, Jan 2013-klh

CONVALESCING

I don't remember many times in life that I've this much convalesced

though it brings me to thoughts of my youth...having no spirit, listless and breathless

and afraid

afraid to have fun ... and laughter could do me in and did many a time

or chaos would turn me to a quivering mass of anxiety

hoping it wouldn't arrive...

the choking and gasping and fear in my loved ones' eyes and their fear making mine more intense!

being told, "Stop or you're going to the hospital!" would cause only more terror and squeeze out my life-breath.

I understand now the stress of it on all our lives--the extra care I sometimes needed--and it'd make me cry to release some tightness in my chest where my heart resided,

yet I never did think I could die.

I know now that absence of knowledge often did keep me alive.

Now I've done something that never has happened--I fell like a wad of old clothes--the weather was cold and the ground it was slushy and my foot gave way as I waved my love bye bye,

so grateful that he did see me and came back to help free me

from a pain I never had known, (though the moment I learned of my brother's death years before was the closest that I could compare).

I got my wish of a week before that I wished I could just go out and scream! as I was feeling such stress from my health and my duties and barely could see an end.

I screamed, it seemed, forever--then the EMTs got me to laugh--and I said, "You know what I'm sad the most for?" and the one called Rich said, "What's that?" and I told him the kitties out by the dumpster, I never thought I'd have to stop helping," and that I needed to call the doctor I worked for who expected me any time........

That seems a long time ago now, though it's just shy of 3 weeks--I remain convalescing in this childhood home--trying to forget the pain and the grief.

-klh, 2/15/13

***On 1/28/13 I broke my right ankle on both sides and spent 6 days in the hospital, waiting until 1/31 to have the surgery ... been home healing, my dedicated husband caring for me in so many ways, and I am grateful for his care and the skill of the surgeon ... and my friends who keep sending out good wishes and prayers, phone calls and cards and emails and facebook ... I have about 10 hrs a day M-F home alone, well, with Tuffy Boy ... when Jeff has to work ... and I have two jobs that are being held for me (thankfully), however, with no pay ... for at least 6-8 weeks. Our homeowners ins only covers "other people" for this type of injury ... so we shall see what the health insurance does, already having inquired about any third party insurer. I can see if I am not able to walk for 6 wks or more, doing this in the winter must be the 'best of any time' it could've been done. I had never broken anything, but my heart perhaps...and pledge to do my best to heal well to honor my dear husband. I am reading lots of books and listening to meaningful music and various media I hadn't gotten to before. Me and Jeff are watching a lot of Dr Who ... and I am happy when I see him enjoying some time, also. So I am on the mend and exorcising some of the feelings this has invoked (evoked?) in me as the above poem has got to be good, things that were buried but not gotten rid of.............and I need to go now and elevate my foot ... always elevating! elevating my spirits, not letting it get me down ... being brave....in my convalescence.....from Your SisSTAR xoxoxoxo



Happy December, Bloggie Souls xoxo

 

Dancin' in the Kitchen

with your

SisSTAR Kylita!!

***

Quite a long time ago instead of taking a vacation (again) I decided to spiffy up our kitchen and get new lineoleum, a new small square table that can be a "bar table" meaning, elevate to the height of the mantel beside it, or be normal height ... and two of what I call my "fat-ass" chairs.. No need to go into why I needed those!

This is a picture of my beautiful floor called Star Twinkle Rosaborealis! The ad online said it would look nice in a toddler's bathroom!?? What???

Hell no, says I!! I want it in my kitchen ... chose the palest of pale purples for the walls, it was called "Whisper" and then found quite a unique table online (had never shopped online before but after going all over to every store in the metro area and finding nothing, I did!) that is called an "art table" with "Color Study - by Kandinsky" ... after searching for Kandinsky, I was quite surprised to find his artwork kinda bizarre for my tastes, but this was his 'color study' and it was black lacquer, high gloss finish ... NOT practical as I orig had hoped ... but who cares? Since there are very rare moments when there are more than 1 or 2 of us eating in the kitchen, I chose a small table to make more space ... for what?? for DANCING!!! Yay!!!

 

I don't know about most of you folks out there, but I've been married nearly 27 years and I can count the number of times my husband has danced with me on probably one hand, except those times I grab him in the kitchen so he can twirl me around with his feet firmly planted like Frankenstein ... in a good way, of course! But! to not have danced with anyone in all these years, and to really not go out dancing, I realize I have sincerely missed what used to be such a joy to me. Often I would never be able to dance much without my trusty asthma inhaler. I remember getting upset a long time ago when I'd try to dance and would go and go until I could NOT breathe much at all, then have to grab the inhaler and "shoot up" way too many times just to be able to breathe a little, or walk, or speak ... much less get back out there on the dance floor and dance! And I remember perchance that I may have been inebriated (I was much younger then, by the way!) and I threw my inhaler across the dance floor as if it was ITS fault! Sad but true...

So now I still have the inhaler(s) ... the 'rescue' and the 'steroid' ... and when people wonder why I talk so fast or crack jokes or am just a real hilarious person acting jazzy or goofy, I realize much of it is due to that asthma medicine ... probably doesn't help with the heart palpitations, either, or the tachycardia ... but whatchagonnado???

***

I'm pretty good for short bursts, though, and love to rock out and twirl and whirl and twist and shout ... and then there's the playing the stainless steel sink in the corner by the SW window, as I look out at the beautiful trees and birds and flowers ... or the bleakness when all the leaves have fallen and the snows come ... but thankfully, the view out that window includes some very old and very tall evergreens. So I want to say that I feel "evergreen"-ish ... I may have physical limitations that so often feel very unfair, but whenever I can, I will continue to keep keeping on and laugh and cry and just be as goofy and crazy and joke-cracking as I can be ... because perhaps one day I will be

SILENT...

then who will recognize me?

Truth of the matter is also, that for the first 18 years of my life I barely talked to very many people. I had a select few friends at school or neighbors who I would attempt to be myself with, but for the most part would hold back ... never quite feeling that anyone would ever recognize me if they saw me in the 'outside world' at the grocery store or movies, or wherever!? I was dumbfounded when someone WOULD say hello to me! I really was! That is what you'd call painfully shy, and I understand very well how that feels and how damaging it can be to your life and your well being. You have all these thoughts and feelings swimming around in your psyche and you just don't think anyone would really be interested in them ... or would criticize what they were ... or worst of all, would laugh at you (me) and humiliate/degrade.....

***

So, little by little, with baby steps (see photo ;oD) I became employed often as a person who HAD no choice but to communicate with other people ... be it coworkers or people on the phone ... customer service-type stuff, or secretarial stuff ... legislative print shop stuff where I couldn't just hide out in the corner and type like a maniac but actually had to TALK to others to get the job done ... and NOW I have worked for many years for psychiatric offices where I am the first contact person patients, old and new, come into contact with ... and I am amazed when I think about how shy and quiet I used to be ... and I even get downright cranky sometimes and tell 'em like it is ... do NOT take advantage of me nor the doctors ... not if I can help it! We want to treat you well and honestly and it'd be very nice to be treated in kind.

***

On the comcast sign-in page today I saw "jobs that have died in 2012" and among them were "secretarial/typist" jobs ... hmmmmm, that made me very sad, sort of ... it spoke of how young children learn to type (probably in the womb if I know technology...which I choose not to know much about it any more ... can't keep up with the laundry hardly much less the latest phone or iWipe!) But then I remembered when I became a "computer typesetter" for what essentially was the State's legislative "junk mail" as I referred to it ... or the House and Senate nightly "Journals" ... and realized that computer typesetting was taking the place of the REAL typesetters' cold type ... and I figured, well, Karma and all, what goes round comes round.

I think in the end what I will be using with my years of experience as a communicator and transcriptionist may very well be writing my OWN words more and more, and others' words less and less. Send out prayers and affirmations and cross your fingers and toes there for me, will ya, please? I will be turning 61 soon and we never know how long 'til the big "goodbye" takes place in anyone's life..........all the 'keep putting offs' become the NADA, never happen, no way, no how, kaput, bye bye now.........you catch my whiff!

***

I have about 10 journals which are partially finished. I have made a commitment to write in them 'nearly' everyday. "Everyday" hasn't worked out, but the 'nearly' part is doing pretty good!

I figure: What if I could never talk again due to whatever reason??? I would want to write or type my thoughts, dreams, goals, reasonings, understandings...and then, what if I could never move my hands or fingers ever again? hmmmmm, I'd better work on my mental telepathy big time, eh?

I like reading autobiographies about people who have overcome diversities and have done some much more amazing shit than I ever have!!! Then I try not to lay a guilt trip on myself but realize, hey, Kylita, SisSTAR of the C.O.D.E. (yes, remember that? "Childless orphaned daughters of the evolution" ... like being "up to CODE" ... who knows what in hell I meant by that CODE thingy, it made and still makes sense to me!

And I like my:

"K.L.H. - 'keep laughin' honey!'"

my initials thing I came up with...I've even urged a few friends to come up with their own anagram for their initials (is that the correct usage of anagram?? can I be a 'writer' without knowing the answer to that?)

***

Anyway, I tend to be a Facebookie addict and once I glommed onto that crazy place, I have let my blog go by the wayside. Coming back from time to time is similar to writing nearly everyday ... and once I get started (as you can see, if you CAN see after reading all this nonsense!) my fingers just keep connecting with the synapses of the brain and, sproing!!! out pour the words, in hopes that there's some cohesiveness to them ... some main theme here that isn't all hodge podge or, a word I really love ... the theme, if there was one, isn't getting sucked into the

MAELSTROM of it all!!

***

I'll try to find a photo of my awesome Color Study art table by Kandinsky ... all I know is that this is MY kitchen ... not my mother's kitchen like it would be had I never changed an iota of it ... and much as I loved/love my mother, we had very different tastes in decor, as she would very often say to me when visiting, "Well, this CERtainly looks like YOU" ... or "HAH! Where'd you come up with that one!???" Sorry, Mom, if I didn't try and match hand knitted afghans of neon greens and yellows with a red checkered pillow and blue-green curtains ... or perhaps a puke-ish colored kitchen floor (I kept some underneath the cupboard below the sink so I could show people who never KNEW what vomitous stuff someone ELSE picked out for her...guess she figured I would pick out purple or something!)

All that I've typed out so far has been inspired by my dancing in the kitchen picture! I don't know why or how, but it just has been!

So, my darling Bloggie Souls!!! Get your buns out there on ANY dance floor and shake 'em ... jump, jive and stay alive! Groove to the mood and fling yourself to and fro (what is 'to and fro' anyway?) ... do the twist, the shake, the mashed potato, the monkey, the jerk, the slow slide into town! Just keep dancing! Don't let anyone ... not even the most loving of non-dancer husbands ... take your dance moves away from you!!! You know that old saying: "Use it or lose it!" It is TRUE! It is very, very true! I can't imagine dancing on a dance floor in a bar or at a wedding or much of anywhere ... but in my kitchen! Man, I can boogie down! In my living room, I am a legend (thank you Annie Lennox ... don't remember song title with that similar lyric in it!) I still sing nearly everyday (there's that nearly again) ... and I may not be able to hit those first soprano high notes too well any more, but I can screech 'em out if I wanna!

Has any of you sang in choir ... the Hallelujah Chorus by Handel??? I sang the first soprano part and loved it so much! Esp those real screech owl high octane...oops! octave! I sang a solo at church sometime ages ago "O Holy Night" and I have to admit, it was very beautiful, I know because others told me so ... and now I cry when I can't do very well singing those songs. But I'm not going to stop singing ... or dancing ... or laughing or crying or joking and CARING about how others are ... I am going to leave you now with my little prayer or affirmation or whatever, somewhat pieced together from various Buddhist writers that I've admired, and then I'll try and find my Color Study table ... and that is where I love to have my face-to-face conversations with dear friends ... it's my party table ... either "Kylita, party of one" or "come on over and let's have a tea party!" place....................Blessings to you...

from

Your SisSTAR

XOXOX

XOX

X

 

May you be held in deepest compassion

May your suffering and pain find ease

May you be at peace

May you live in joy...........Compassion, Ease and Joy and Peace...Always xoxo

 

 

Thanks...now I gotta get off this computer and go dance on my Star Twinkle Rosaborealis!

Nightie night, Sweethearts!

KLH

Keep Laughin' Honey!

xoxo

xo

x

December Astrology Overview 2012 With Michele Knight

Promises Promises ...

 

Ah, the missing, or should I say "hiding" photo I thought went astray. I'd like to call this TIME ... beyond 4:20........

this is a bronze lamp of a woman with a large sunflower frame for the clock ... she needs polishing for sure! At the base are more sunflowers and I bought her in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan a very long time ago. There were times I could get the clock to work, but I have enough clocks. I have been thinking of turning it into a picture frame...hey! maybe of sunflowers!? But I made this my desktop background so it would be darker in here when Tuffy Boy is sleeping. He's used to us being on the computer clacking away ... when he isn't outside in this freezing weather! It saddens me that he always wants to be out there and not inside with us...no matter the weather, unless it is a massive downpour or blizzard ... but if it isn't ... he wants to be out there. He's my wild child, but I digress...

 

I put it on the background on Sunday night ... when Daylight Savings Time here in Michigan meant we had to "fall back" and "gained" an hour ... an imaginary hour, I feel. The body gets used to the rhythms of the "time" and you can't fake the mind and body out with some false hour we are convinced we are given, only to have it taken away next April ... who needs to 'save' the daylight? Why don't they have Moonlight Savings Time? that'd be for me!!! Lately I come home around 6 pm and it is already very dark outside. The "time" changed and I am still not used to it, though it felt nice to "feel" like I could go into work an hour later today ... but how long can you bleed that idea dry? If you get ONE hour ... surely you can't keep repeating that hour over and over ... and I love that this clock face is set at 4:27 ... beyond "4:20" that old craziness that someone somewhere made up as the "time to smoke marijuana" ... like a secret society or some password at a forbidden door. So I am going BEYOND that and returning once again to how things were as a teenager and young adult woman ... when so many said, "What are you ON?" because laughing and smiling and being kind and loving ... and did I say LAUGHING? And I  heard, "Why do you laugh all the time?" and got tired of that and would reply, "I can cry for you, too, if you'd rather!" (which was and is true!) i am a drop-of-the-hat laugher and cryer and I don't do "LOL"s either ... if I need to exhibit a laugh as I'm typing a post on facebook or here, I usually have to do HAHAHA! Yes, it takes more keystrokes, but at 120 wpm who gives a crapola?

And I don't have any magical techie thing to make you see the second hand move, either ... like: "If you see this river moving, you must fwd it to 20 people in 10 minutes or your life will be damned!" Damned if I do, damned if I don't ... I'm changing that around to:

I AM BLESSED IF I DO, BLESSED IF I DON'T!!!

It just resonates with me better.

***

Been feeding feral kitties behind the dumpster at work for many years now ... was asked by mgmt to stop 3 times a few yrs ago so I did...for one year...until I saw kittens standing there in the cold ... then I said, to hell with the mgmt, I don't have the stamina or fortitude to try and rescue these babies, but at least I can contribute to them having some nourishment and perhaps keeping them healthy and alive in some way. I have gotten flack from friends and strangers telling me I NEED TO rescue them ... Well, you go rescue them ... I'll keep feeding and watering them ... and giving them my beloved long winter shawl for some warmth ... but today, after knowing workers were redoing the parking lot and being able to tippy toe thru the tar or asphalt on Sunday to get to their spot where I know they rely on me coming ... TODAY I cried when I realized the new paving was taken right to where they come out from under a cement wall behind the dumpster wooden walls...so that there isn't enough room at all for even a tiny kitten to crawl under ... and I had to keep shoving food under the small opening and immed saw the kitten (1 of 2) come to eat...just made me sad, but I am determined to find a way ... if anyone were to try and rescue them, it will be much more difficult now that there's no way to get to them ... and they would always squeeze under that opening and come eat their lunch or dinner and drink some water ... of course, I've also seen racoons and oppossums eating and drinking their food also  which is why I don't leave too much at a time and hope they come soon to get it. That made me cry but we'll find a way ... there are other openings intermittently down the wall, just don't have the shelter that being behind the dumpster does and all out in the open. When the snow falls and they plow it against that cement wall, there are never any openings either, and I have trudged through knee deep snow often to put cans of mushy food on top of the wall where the cats would climb the trees on the other side and get up there ... and of course, so did a possum once and just stared at me with that goofy grin ... but don't know about the kittens ... they are about 5 weeks old now, I think ... the mama is black with green eyes that usually will look at me just once, like saying, "go now" or "thank you" and she has 4 white paws and short white whiskers ... I named her Bootsie but she doesn't really know that. I pray for Bootsie and her babies often and I hope you will, too.

***

Today I also cried, though unsure why, except for the fact that since last February, I've only been able to take the most direct route to work about 1-1/2 wks in June and today was the 1st time I could go to work in half the time, driving half the miles, as the 2nd bridge that was worked on was completed enough to open to traffic. People say there aren't any jobs ... but there's been nonstop road construction around here forever and ever! to the point where I want to scream when i see those orange and white barrels!!! There was road construction on 5-6!!! routes I'd come up with just to get 4 miles away from home! Even a few barrels just outside our parking lot! And now the lot is beautifully and newly paved ... to the detriment of "my" kitties ... but I know in my heart something good will happen for them...at least I'll get to work more directly and quicker ... hey! I can be less late than usual - tee hee (oh, yes, I do 'tee hee' also, just no LOLs since I am NOT laughing out loud, I am sitting here in quiet, only the keys rattling, clacking away, HAHA'ng to myself, or an occasional TEEHEE'g ;o) (or that dumb smiley face with a wink)

***

OK, this is just more posting than I've done in years, I think! My  nephew Jacob Watson got me going today after I got him going on his blog again ... which i was so proud to hear. He is a damned good writer and a funny young man and a bleeding heart liberal and a kind, loving guy who is nice to know....then there was the fact that going to HIS blog made me go to MY blog which made me see some very nice comments from old friends Rhi and Dancin' who I cherish more than they'll ever know ... and then I think I've been sitting here ignoring all the shitty political automated phone calls on the answering machine to the point that I just turned the ans mach down so I couldn't hear them. Come on, people! 8-12 calls a day for the Republican party???? Don't you know that only makes me want to go vote for OBAMA even more now???

You see, I have become my old APOLITICAL self ... one of my favorite songs is by Little Feat called Apolitical Blues ... listen to it sometime as I don't know how to post it here just now ... and I did start voting AGAINST people and forced myself to become a voter ... until I became disenfranchised with it all and mistrustful ... and had decided that this election I was NOT going to vote at all! UNTIL!!! I kept receiving these goddamn calls and mail over and over by the same party, with only a few, very few, from the Democratic party. I do not affiliate myself with any party and it is sad that my votes are usually AGAINST someone more than FOR someone ... but just today I have decided I will go tomorrow mornign with my husband before I go in to work from 10am to 8 pm for 2 psychiarists @;@ <(my eyes!) to my elementary school I attended eons ago (since I am nearly 61 now! and attended this school system K-12 and on any given day can drive past all three schools I went to!!! which is in itself real freaky!) and vote for OBAMA ... the absolute best choice I could make ... I hope ... have to keep hope in my heart or I become apathetic. I remember that old saying from the '70s: "What is apathy? Ans: Who cares?" Apathy hurts me and doesn't do much for anyone else, either, but it does exist and can't deny it. So I will FORCE myself to vote ... because sometimes we just have to do what we should do and not always what we want.

Goodnight now ... husband won't be home for at least 2 more hours...but I feel I have spent some good time ignoring the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the basket by BLOGGING! Let's hope I can keep my promise and come back here again soon ... and perhaps I won't find the need to TYPE SO MUCH!!! I can't imagine who would want to read this much ... but it was cathartic writing it all. Must've been that movie SAMSARA I wrote about with fierceness...or the commentary posts by some friends 2 months ago that i just saw ... in any event, I did it ... that was my first sentence I ever spoke according to my Baby Book kept by my mother for maybe 1-1/2 years until my brother was born and it became just too much to do. My first words were: DADA, JO (?? my mom's name instead of MAMA??) and BUFF (our dog Buffer I only remember from photos) and I DID IT!

YOU DO IT, TOO!

Love from

your

SisSTAR

Kylita

XOXOXO

XOXXO

XOXO

XOX

XO

X

O

x

o

.

(poof!)

(whew!)

 



 

Wanting to add some beauty and interest since the post I just typed below is really not what I intended, but it's what happened ... sending you love from

your SisSTAR

*****

***

*

XO

xo

x

o

 



Blogger has changed somewhat since my "olden days" and it's frustrating to me. Just tried to post a photo and I don't know where it ended up?? So I will plug along and just say that I have been on my blog for a few moments after having encouraged my nephew to keep writing and he posted something thanking me...well, that just got me going and I've found comments from friends and even strangers that I hadn't known about for over 2 months. See what happens when I'm 'liking' mind numblingly on facebook everyday?? or playing solitaire like a crazy loon...fast as I can and frantic?? And why?? Who knows...gets rid of heart palpitations sometimes because I think it just takes my mind off things I'd rather not have it on.

Saw a movie last night with my husband at an art theatre in Royal Oak ... called SAMSARA. I'd picked up a postcard with the most interesting photo and words about it at our favorite vegetarian restaurant Inn Season ... and the movie ended up being shown in the same town...so we went back the next night to see it. We went so excitedly right after watching Once Upon on Time on TV ... so happy to go to a movie! an art movie! And we were laughing and feeling so nice and good and welcoming a diversion ... and it was stunningly beautiful for about halfway through it ... and then it became so very disturbing i went from hardly being able to look at certain things to crying and hiding my eyes (thru partly open fingers) and feeling so bad that I'd subjected Jeffrey to this movie I'd looked so fwd to seeing ... it took 5 years and 25 countries with much time lapsed photography and it seemed as if it would be a vision feast ... well, it was feast and it was vomitous! It would have been a good ad, in the middle of a PETA organizational video ... horrors of how "meat" animals were treated ... I don't even want to give you any visuals ... I was so grateful I had become vegetarian for over a year ... and I do believe Jeff is highly considering it now also. He told me it reminded him of when he was a child and what would have to happen to eat the meat animals ... and how it horrified him then and this did now too.

But not just the animals...cultures in and of themselves that made me realize how "Made in China" or many other countries that crank out items after items ... or meat or you name it ... life size female sex dolls that looked unbelievably real ... all naked either upside down or right side up ... tons of 'em ... and all the technological WASTELANDS with difficult to watch people wading through toxic sludge to find something that may be saleable somewhere in it all ... to ski resorts built INSIDE at Dubai in the desert! and then there was 2 men who seemed like twins but the one had sort of strange eyes and I thought perhaps he had some affliction ... and his face kept twitching and wincing ... you never knew what country you were in or what was what for the most part ... and the credits were flying by so fast, it was hard to read and you can imagine 5 yrs worth and 25 countries! Well, turns out that guy with the winching face was a CLONE! of the other man who looked like his "better" twin!!! OMG!

There WERE gorgeous visuals and ethereal music emanating often and I absolutely love time lapsed photography esp of landscapes and all the sun/shadow/moon/stars going by ... beautiful monasteries with Tibetan monks playing wondrous instruments and oriental dancers and palaces and desert sands that had obviously been enormous storms that invaded homes that you didn't know if the homes had been emptied out before or after being piled halfway up the walls with sand in every way possible.

I felt somewhat betrayed by a movie I expected to be beautiful beyond what I'd seen for a long time and in the beginning I felt so peaceful and serene and my legs would shake with the excitement of the gorgeous scenery and music blending together. Then mid-way thru...horror struck. And this was no special effects ... this was cultural humanity shockingly brutal and perverted and plain sickening. If I could be so ... well...asking to much of anyone ... I would suggest that everyone! should see it so maybe they wouldn't keep buying the latest and greatest new tech invention or eat animals that are not even slaughtered...just plowed through, chickens sucked into a big machine being driven right into them as we watched ... and many young pink baby piglets suckling at what you see of their mother's teats only to eventually see what the mother was contained in ... big heavy barred cage which she bulged out of, no room to move an inch ... just like she was a blob that no one would care a thing about...except maybe those piglets who needed something to eat ... and then pan right to a factory of massive amounts of employees with their slash here/ rip open there, haul out guts and fling 'em down and repeat ... over and over...all day long...big white hogs hanging, heads gone, looking unbelievably like humans being gutted ... I am so sorry for anyone who might be reading this who wished they weren't. At least you aren't seeing the movie ... now from me ... and I am either warning you NOT to ... or daring you TO see it ... but I wouldn't ask anyone to see it on my account, because it was an assault to my sensitivities ... I love MOTHER EARTH so much ... and animals ... I hold them right up there as important as I am ... and after watching the factories it panned over to huge fat people (and I am quite heavy myself, so I'm not making fun of them) at fast food places gobbling down hamburgers ... not knowing or caring where that meat came from. When I used to say "mystery meat" I no longer can do that ... it's not a mystery...it comes from SUFFERING!

I didn't intend to write on this movie, but I guess I have to exorcise it from my senses. Jeff adn I spoke about it today ... I usually am one to rattle on and talk talk talk about this and that ... we went home in silence and I didn't want to make him listen to one thing that I felt about it nor expect him to talk about what he felt, either. I apologized to him profoundly today for subjecting him to what he saw. I am glad he doesn't have dreams he remembers and also that I am not prone to nightmares.

Does it mean that that word Samsara, Sanskrit for changing ways on the wheel of life ... has to be SOOOO very extreme to open up to beauty like spectacular scenery and divine sounding voices singing ... to chaotic horrors of what some people have boiled down to ... a pulsing beat of music with beautiful women clad in bikinis with numbers attached to them ... holding the pole and dancing sexily around, smiling (the rare people who actually were smiling in the movie) and I suppose they were being rented or purchased or ?? and in the credits realizing that ALL of them were actually boys or men. Go to the extremes of the insane riches being poured into Dubai ... pump that oil...reap that greed and make sure you build the impossible...what you thought was mountains in some very cold region where skiiers were flying all over, you realized was INSIDE an enormous enclosure in the desert!

My favorite was some aboriginal people from I didn't know where with mud all over in their creatively coifed hair ... lots of orangey red mud ... like big thick dreadlocks ... babies shining and sleeping strapped on their backs ... large eyes of the men and women looking like brown and bloodshot watery pools staring at you and never smiling ... lips stretched way out so that they hung down to their chin bottoms and ears so stretched beyond capacity that they hung there ripped to just two flaps down to their shoulders ...

Then I think of WE ARE ALL ONE ... TEACH TOLERANCE ... LOVE ONE ANOTHER ... ONE LOVE, ONE GOD, JUSTICE FOR ALL etc etc............and the face of a CLONE twitches and blinks staring right into your own eyes ... not a robot, nor a machine ... a flesh covered human being CLONE. This Mother Earth of ours holds what seems like a megalomaniacal Intruder who throws humanity around as if it's some bizarre video game where anything goes ... ANYTHING at all... NOTHING at all ... The WHEEL OF LIFE .........................the best I can say is that I will CHOOSE WHO I AM and I will pledge to be THE ONE I AM ... and do my utmost best to not judge but try to understand ... there are over 7 billion people on Mother Earth, I believe. When I graduated from high school in 1970 there were 3.4 billion ... as I had to make a speech in front of the entire high school (and I was a shy girl then) about population control ... the POPULATION BOMB! It is here and we are us.........................HELP US! What is Humanity? Wailing walls and massive, massive!!!! processions bulging out of males prostrating themselves in Mecca seen from way up in the air down below in time lapsed fashion ... it was unbelievable! It looked like the cows going around in a giant stainless steel appearing factory ... all hooked up to milking machines squeezed as close together as they could on a huge WHEEL turn around and around slowly as the cows could not move, just be sucked dry of their milk that no doubt they were forced to produce at volumes that were impossible ... in NATURE ... but this wasn't NATURE as I knew it or as I ever wanted to know it.

BLESS THOSE GODFORSAKEN PEOPLE AND ANIMALS ... and ...........well, I am too spent to go on ... writing can be exhausting. The brain is going like a sleek train flying at the speed of insane thoughts ... the fingers can't keep up ... wanting to weave a cohesive essay here...not sure I've done that and asking your forgiveness for any assault to your own sensibilities ... I am forever in your gratitude for even bothering to read this...............LOVE ONE ANOTHER ... KINDNESS AND COMPASSION, EMPATHY ... UNDERSTANDING ... I feel like a visitor from outer space after viewing those visions! I don't want the Wheel of Life to contain 90% of those things. I always am a proponent of the word PEACE ... what does that mean to everyone? Something very different, I assume.

PEACE to you, my brothers and sisters ... my SisSTARS ... let us strive to be ourselves and know that perhaps all that is illusion and we will one day WAKE UP! and see the beauty in ourselves and in each other ... knowing that we have been kind, loving and generous ... and looked within because looking without is too damned painful.

Ain't that just the way things are ... ??

 

Noon on Wednesday ...



Hello again!

Photo of tiny little fairy a friend brought over to our home for a little "photo shoot". She made an excellent model except for falling and hiding in the grass and bushes a few times. We had lots of fun with her and it inspired me to look around the house for other little "folks" to photograph.

Some of you may remember my stories of Winky and Dinka ... little goofy stories I made up to remember my cousin Walt (Wink) and brother Dana (Dinka) after they'd died six years ago. Then Wink's brother Gary (above left--Gnary) also died 5 mos later so mysteriously, without knowing, a nice neighbor put that little gnome in my mailbox for me to find. When I saw these mushrooms growing like crazy by the side door, I knew there was another photo shoot in the making! I took lots! of them but here is just one for my bloggie souls out there. I also LOVE the chrysacolla gemstones I used with them ... they are some of my favorites! They remind me of Mother Earth. Actually, they ARE from Mother Earth and sometimes I feel bad when so much of her has been mined and taken for folks like me to purchase or find and stash away in our collections. I do try to give back to Mom Earth so that perhaps I will be forgiven my love for so many rocks ... I love to hold them and look at them ... sometimes I sleep with them under my pillow or just hold them ... and, of course, I love to wear some jewelry ... give me raw gems...polished, yes, but no need for diamonds for me! Look at a cubic zirconia ... doesn't look different much without a jeweler's eye, but you can't pretend with an awesome chunk of Mom ... amethysts, garnets, turquoise, rhodochrosite, and one I DID buy in jewelry form...a ring with Moldavite! last week. I splurged ... it is referred to as the "only extraterrestrial gemstone quality tektite" and even though if I didn't know what it was I wouldn't be fond of its green color, I love it now. I also feel strongly that each rock holds its own metaphysical properties and that is another aspect I resonate with.

I wanted to stop by so as to give myself a boost to get back into the practice of writing on here. Bear with me while I slowly get back into gear ... it's been a while and I used to love posting and commenting with friends. The Blogger has changed quite a bit since I first got on here, I think, in 2008 or so ... and I'll keep checking in and maybe someday again an old friend or even a new one will stop by and leave a comment or two. I leave you now with the words of Wavy Gravy, host supreme of the original Woodstock:

"There is always a little Heaven in a disaster area!"

***

from your SisSTAR

Kylita

xo

x



Yes, I've been addicted to Facebook ;o(

How do I begin?

firsts of all, I'll take baby steps and see where they lead me!

***

I cannot believe that it has been since January!!! that I last posted here! I know, I know, stick my face into "facebook" and I seem to disappear from view for hours upon hours! I'm famous for friending and unfriending at a whim ... not really a whim, but whenever it seems that if a 'friend' isn't interested in communicating, then what's the point, eh?

I have thought about some of my wonderful 'old' blog friends from days of yore! I am thrilled that Dancin' Fool is one of my fb friends also! I can keep track of her a little that way, except I was thrilled to see some of her older blog posts just now! I have some catching up to do.

This photo shows me on my wonderful kitchen lineoleum ... which came from a "staycation" quite a few years ago when we had time off but nowhere to go, or so it seemed. So with money I would've vacationed somewhere with, I chose to re-do the kitchen floor and buy an awesome "art" table and chairs for our little kitchen to spruce it up a bit and make it more "my own" ... it having been my mother's for many, many years.

The name of this lineoleum was Twinkle Rosaborealis or something like that ... the ad suggested it'd be great in a child's bathroom! Huh??? No way! It's spread all over the kitchen in all its glory and it makes dancing in the kitchen so much more fun!

let's see if I can find the table now.....

?hmmmmmmm????

***

it's a little covered up with placemats but it's a "Color Study" by Kandinsky ... when I realized who Kandinsky was and his artwork, I was quite surprised I fell in love with it so much. I wanted "Sleeping June" or whatever that painting was of the beautiful young girl sleeping with her orange dress flowing all over in a heap ... then I realized I didn't want my husband eating off her skirt! tee hee! The "fat-butt" black chairs don't show here much either, but they are great and have served us well. The table also has a special chrome insert to make it a "pub table" so we can think we are tipping our steins somewhere classy now and then! usually we're too lazy to change them around and haul in the "pub chairs" ... But ... all this is pretty common drivel I type but I just wanted to make sure that I could still have a go at it!

***

The end of April I finally broke down and bought a digital camera. I have been having great fun on it and posting stuff on our NEW computer also ... yes, usually on facebook! I just realized, with great relish, that my blog would be a wonderful place to share my photos, just as I always have loved to do!!!

***

I always have been eating vegetarian for over a year now ... and have felt pretty good about that. I have wanted to make more of a change to vegan and it's amazing to realize how MUCH that can involve! Like, I never knew!!! that 35 mm film is made from gelatin, which is made from animal bones! Yikes! And I have loved my Canon T50 for so long! or that match heads have gelatin on them somehow??

I'm willing to give up honey, cheese--one of these days, ice cream--any time now!, and on and on. Sad to say, that "new" car we bought last year is complete with all leather interior, which at the time seemed "luxe" but now it just seems like I am sad to be sitting on the hide of a dead cow (I can only hope it isn't any other poor dead animal!) ... we were sort of in a rush to get another vehicle since my 17yr old T-Bird had rotted away from the frame ;o( ... I cried as they drove her off, donated her to the Vietnam Vets of Michigan...wasn't even able to get the tax deduction of $1,600 we were given receipt for...tax laws had changed ... grrrrrr, crap, damn, frick! But, hopefully it went to a good cause and someone somewhere is riding to a decent job in my beautiful old T-Bird, moonlight blue with mocha cloth!!! interior.....I will remember that cloth interior NEXT time I'm in the market for a vehicle!

***

It's way past the middle of August now and we haven't been anywhere this summer. Maybe in our dreams we have, and we did have a 5-day "staycation" again ... sometimes it's just easier to stay home than to fight the road construction everywhere and the traffic ... and we'd miss our Tuffy Boy!

***

(Tuffy Boy is awesome!)

We have had Tuf now for nearly 6 years. He showed up on our Mandy Girl's grave when I was weeding flowers ... a few weeks after my cousin, brother and dog had died, here is this beautiful orange tabby cat flopping down at my feet crying and reowing for mercy and it was something I was not ready for...at all! I tried to discourage him from staying ... I didn't want to deal with loving and losing another pet ... but the Universe had another plan ... and ...I BETTER STOP!!! I nearly lost this post with some techno glitch ... and found it hidden somewhere!

SO!!!!! I will leave you with a promise that I shall return much more regularly ... and try my best not to be so very mundane as I have just now! It was my practice trial run of getting back into the game, the blogger game! I have missed you and am excited to share again ... Thanks again if anyone has waded through ... You are sent highest and best blessings from your

SisSTAR Kylita!!!!

Yay!!!!

I

Posted

Again!!!

XO

X

xo

x

Nightie Night, Bloggie Souls!

(gotta go back to dancin' in the kitchen!)

XOXOXOXO

XOXOX

xo

x